So often when I tell people I’m a writer, they want to know what books I read, or recommend. That’s never an easy question for me, because I don’t really read much. I’m more of a TV watcher.
About 20 years ago, I used to watch this show on PBS that was like a half hour book club. I can’t remember the name, but the host would have an author or two that she’d interview to discuss their books, and I believe she’d mention a few other books as well whose authors weren’t present. This host loved books. She read a lot. I remember her saying something like she was so obsessed with reading that once she was in the bathroom and didn’t have anything to read so she read a box or tube of toothpaste.
Well, um, not me.
I’m just not that into reading.
I mean I enjoy a good book, but like with most things, I’m really picky and most books don’t interest me. Writers are long-winded and can take forever to get to the point (kinda like, no exactly like me right now). A story in a book can drag on before it gets good. That’s a luxury (or maybe not so much so) that TV and film don’t get to have.
My true writing inspiration comes from life itself, and watching movies and TV. You’d be hard pressed to find me under a tree as a child reading a book, but I did attempt 24 straight hours of TV several times. And like that host was so desperate to read something, she started reading a tube of toothpaste, in kind, I would watch damn near anything. I had cable off and on growing up, more off than on. Without it, at 2 o’clock in the morning there was nothing on but infomercials. I could tell you about every juicer, immersion blender, food dehydrator and whatever else they were hawking in the wee hours of the morning, because I was there.
It’s been a minute since I’ve watched in infomercial, but watching TV at 2 o’clock in the morning is still my thing. I love it when that art form doesn’t just entertain, but also makes you ask questions, makes you think.
Last night’s “This is Us” did that for me.
Called “The Hill” the latest episode of NBC’s hit Tuesday night drama saw Kate and Toby’s marriage dissolving in a way that was more definitive than we’ve ever seen before. Dissolving in a way that the viewers knew there was likely no coming back from. I say likely instead of definitely because that’s just how much I don’t like the idea of Toby and Kate breaking up. That’s just how much I didn’t see this coming until it was here. And so I hold on to a little hope just in case.
Another thing that is really upsetting about me not seeing this coming is that I usually always see things like this coming. As a writer – at least for me – part of what I do is study human behavior. My ability to create believable, authentic human characters hinges on my ability to have a good grasp on human behavior. So I study people a lot. And one thing I’ve noticed from my studies is that people don’t change.
Perhaps that is a mind-blowing concept to some of you because we always hear the saying “people change.” People even use it in reference to themselves: “I’m not the same person I was last year, or five years ago, or 10 years ago,” they’ll say. But that’s never really made sense to me because I’ve never seen it happen. I’ve never met someone who was a completely different person after time went by or circumstances changed. They just became more of a part of themselves that they always were.
Even when Toby said, “you fell in love with a coping mechanism,” which, by the way, was a great line – kudos to whoever wrote that. On Twitter it was rumored to have been ChrissyMetz. But even a coping mechanism is only a shield and those who deploy it can’t keep their guard up 24/7. Eventually, they’re going to let it down, and you’re going to see them for who they are. If anything, in the beginning, Toby was the more levelheaded one, while Kate was more of a hot mess. He never showed signs that he actually wanted to become the guy he turned out to be once he lost weight and got that San Francisco job.
The hardest part seeing this new change in Toby wasn’t his new wardrobe or how happy he was about his job, but it was seeing the essence of who I’d known him to be change. Like, your job and your clothes don’t make you an asshole, you make you an asshole, and in this episode Toby was displaying some asshole qualities that were uncharacteristic of him. I mean turning down a job without discussing it with his wife, picking out and getting the ball rolling on buying a house without consulting his wife, making an executive decision that his family would uproot themselves from L.A. to San Francisco again without telling his wife was all just so un-Toby-like. I also found it weird that so many people knew who Kate was but she didn’t know who they were.
Now compare Toby with Kate for example – Kate has grown but she hasn’t changed. There’s a difference. Kate has always been a dreamer, she’s always liked music and wanted to be a singer, she just struggled with believing she was good enough. She struggled to believe in herself. Her change is growing into who she was always meant to be, not being someone that’s completely different.
But, these are, after all, characters on a show, they’re not real. So perhaps I can chalk up the disconnect to the writers, producers, or whoever is in charge over there wanting to take Kate and Toby’s relationship in a different direction. Maybe that was the only way they knew how to give Kate some relationship drama, or I don’t know. I would love to hear from them. But no matter what they would say, I said what I said and I’m sticking to it. People don’t change, they just learn to grow certain parts of themselves and suppress others.
Do you agree?
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