I don\u2019t want to even talk about it. I\u2019m not a fan of the subject of my weight, but what can I say, it\u2019s something I deal with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yesterday I went to the doctor\u2019s office and found out that I\u2019m a whopping 244 lbs. My scale said like 239, 240 and I was hoping it was wrong. And I was right, it was wrong, I\u2019m even bigger. Right now I\u2019m the heaviest I\u2019ve ever been, my previous biggest being 237, like Oprah\u2019s. Just at the beginning of March I was 230, then quarantine happened and I started snacking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But it\u2019s not just how much I\u2019ve been eating, it\u2019s also that I haven\u2019t been moving. I literally sit on my bed for most of the day, like I\u2019m doing now as I\u2019m writing this. When I want a change of scenery, I go from my bedroom to the living room and sit or lay on the couch and watch TV. And, well, it\u2019s gotten the best of me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Throughout this quarantine there\u2019s been that little voice in my head saying, \u201cget up, exercise, go for a walk,\u201d and a few times I did, but for the most part I just didn\u2019t feel like it so I didn\u2019t. Now this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I have a scale, I saw the numbers going up, but sometimes they would go dramatically down, like 6 \u2013 7 lbs down, and I thought that was promising. And I can feel it. There are so many signs. The other day when I was at the CVS (yes I said \u201cthe CVS\u201d), I didn\u2019t realize I left my wallet in my car until I was ready to pay, so I ran to my car to get it, and by the time I got back I was so out of breath I thought my mask was going to suffocate me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then there\u2019s my clothes. I am now a solid size 18. I don\u2019t even attempt to put on my size 16 pants, that I used to wear a few months ago, if they don\u2019t have stretch in them. And anything new I\u2019m buying has an elastic waistband or it\u2019s a dress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A couple of years ago, I brought a pair of size 18 pants because they didn\u2019t have my size and they were on sale. Every time I wore them, they were hanging off of me. The other day I had them on and the material literally whistled as my thighs rubbed together while walking. That, and I\u2019ve now met the acquaintance of my double chin \u2013 been fat all my life, and have never had a double chin!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But the most devastating part of this weight gain is my blood pressure. I\u2019ve been staving off being put on blood pressure medication for about six years now. I go to the doctor, get an elevated reading, implement a lifestyle change, loose enough weight to get my blood pressure down, only to get it up again. And now here I am, back at it again, heavier than I\u2019ve ever been, wondering what it\u2019s going to take.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve gotta make a change, so I went walking today. Tomorrow, I\u2019ll go again, probably for about an hour instead of the 30 minutes I did today. It\u2019s funny, right before this pandemic hit I was working up the courage to join a gym, now you couldn\u2019t get me to set foot in one if you paid me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I think I can get down to 230 pretty quickly, because when you are as big as I am, the weight initially comes off at a rapid pace. The smaller I get, the harder it is to take off the weight. I always seem to get caught up in the 2-teens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Last year I got down to around 216, and I was there for a while until the holidays when I creeped up to around 225-230. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A couple of years ago, I actually made it down to 212, but it seems that I can never get out of the 2-teens.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I plan on changing that this time. I have to get serious. I\u2019m in my 40s now, I can\u2019t fuck around. I couldn\u2019t fuck around in my 30s either, but definitely not now. And these doctors be medication happy. They ready to put you on drugs like nobody\u2019s business. And I guess if I have to, I have to. But I don\u2019t want to, so I gotta make a change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Up and down goes my weight on this merry-go-round. I\u2019m ready for this ride to be over. And it will be if I decide to and stick with it. Maybe I\u2019ll take pictures of myself and document my progress.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We\u2019ll see.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I don\u2019t want to even talk about it. I\u2019m not a fan of the subject of my weight, but what can I say, it\u2019s something I deal with. Yesterday I went to the doctor\u2019s office and found out that I\u2019m…<\/p>\n