Actually I was laid off Friday, but I found out today, because I didn\u2019t open my email until today.\u00a0 And I must say, I\u2019m a bit surprised at how hurt I was. I mean I didn\u2019t like that job. Hated going to that job. Told myself that if that job reopened after the furlough and called me back, I wouldn\u2019t accept. But there is something about being rejected \u2013 even when the rejection is coming from something or someone that you don\u2019t want \u2013 that\u2019s unsettling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was supposed to be the one who took this furlough time to start my own business, create a flourishing writing career, propel my life in the direction of my dreams. I was supposed to be the one to tell that job fuck you, not the other way around. No matter how you slice it, it doesn\u2019t feel good not being wanted, that\u2019s all. I want you to want me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Anyhoo, my ego aside, being laid off is actually a good thing for me. I think I need a good kick in the pants right now. I gotta take this thing more seriously. This is real life, my life, and I\u2019m fucking it up right now with fears and excuses \u2013 and inaction. I\u2019m fucking it up with inaction, and holding out for perfection that doesn\u2019t exist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t write as much as I should. I don\u2019t plan like I could. And that\u2019s got to change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yet at the same time, I feel like a broken record. I try and I fail. I fail because I don\u2019t try hard enough, smart enough, or I look at the failure as final instead of a redirection. And I don\u2019t want to take another low-paying job that not only lacks a decent wage, but that also doesn\u2019t challenge me, help me grow. I\u2019m tired of working for a check, especially an incredibly small check. I want to do what I love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m realizing now, to effect this change, I have to adopt a totally and completely different mindset. I have to plan for and work towards what\u2019s possible, what I want to be possible, instead of confining myself to the ostensible limitations set before me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wonder what would happen if I actually did give it my all. Like really give it my all and set my mind towards accomplishing my goals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here\u2019s to not having to wonder.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Actually I was laid off Friday, but I found out today, because I didn\u2019t open my email until today.\u00a0 And I must say, I\u2019m a bit surprised at how hurt I was. I mean I didn\u2019t like that job. Hated…<\/p>\n