No seriously, why is it so difficult to trust yourself? Not asking for a friend. Asking for myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So the other day I was on Twitter, and this girl popped up on my timeline (she was a full-grown adult, I don\u2019t know why I\u2019m calling her a girl, but anyway). I don\u2019t follow her. I guess somebody I follow liked her post or replied to it, which is how it made an appearance in my feed. But anyway, she was asking about a sentence she wrote for her book, or a story, or something like that. She was wondering whether or not it was good enough, whether or not she should use it, or change it, or maybe even throw it away I guess.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She had the sentence copied there, so I read it. I thought it was really good. It was descriptive in an unusual way, a creative way. Even though I don\u2019t know her, as a fellow writer who has a tendency to be insecure about my work, I felt compelled to reply. I didn\u2019t even check what other people were saying. It just seemed crazy to me that she was having such trepidation over a well-written line, so I commented, \u201cbeautiful \u2013 trust yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Trust yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ah, what I concept.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s funny, because I be so quick to shell out some good advice. And I be havin\u2019 some bomb ass advice, if I do say so myself\u2026but hell if I know how to take it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Trust yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How \u2018bout trust myself. Believe it or not, I have the hardest time trusting myself. Or, maybe if you read here enough that\u2019s obvious to you. But I mean, sometimes, I take it to another level. And, oh, I just got a revelation, I think it\u2019s because I don\u2019t think I have options.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That\u2019s not just with life decisions, it can be with damn near anything. Like, say for example, I\u2019m in the store and I only have $4 for chips, and the chips are like $3 and some change, and I can only get one, but I\u2019m fancying two, so I gotta choose. That creates some serious cognitive dissonance in my brain. I will literally stand there for like two minutes, indecisive as fuck, trying to determine which one I really, really want, and which one I\u2019d rather suffer the pain of missing out on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I want choices without having to choose. I\u2019ll take them all ( said in an aristocratic accent).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But that\u2019s so often not the case. Life so often makes you choose. You choose and reap the rewards or deal with the consequences, but you choose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Today, I had to make a choice (wow, it took me a really long time to get to this point, but anyway), and it was hard to choose. I had a job interview. My first job interview since I was laid-off. My goal is to work for myself, that I could turn this blog into my job. But I also have to be realistic, and that realistic part of me has me regularly applying for jobs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s one thing when you\u2019re applying for jobs and you don\u2019t get a response back. It makes me feel like I\u2019ve done my duty. But it\u2019s another when you not only get a response, but you get an interview and you just might be pretty high in the running to close the deal. That happened to me today, and I realized that I don\u2019t want this job.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Actually, I knew before the interview, but I thought going through with it would be the responsible thing to do. But when I look back of my life, for the last 13 years I\u2019ve been taking jobs, and staying on jobs because it was the \u201cresponsible thing to do.\u201d \u2026I lost my train of thought. I don\u2019t have time to try and get it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I guess my point is, sometimes the responsible thing to do, that thing that seems safe and secure is actually setting you up for a world of regret. Taking my hat out of the ring for a job, when I have no job may seem like a foolish move. And who knows, it just maybe, but I feel down in my soul that that job’s not the one for me, that I wouldn\u2019t be happy if they were to choose me.\u00a0 So I\u2019m going to step out on faith and trust that even if I\u2019m making a big mistake, God\u2019s going to see me through.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The interview went well, and maybe they weren\u2019t going to choose me anyway, still I mulled over withdrawing damn near all day, before I finally decided to walk by faith.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This time, I\u2019m going to trust myself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
No seriously, why is it so difficult to trust yourself? Not asking for a friend. Asking for myself. So the other day I was on Twitter, and this girl popped up on my timeline (she was a full-grown adult, I…<\/p>\n