I was apprehensive about composing this post today: one because I didn\u2019t know what to write, but two because I kinda feel like I\u2019m always complaining. Complaining about what I haven\u2019t done, opportunities missed, wrongs done unto me and what have you. And I\u2019m a strong believer in not complaining, even as I know that\u2019s very hard to do, even as I don\u2019t often practice it. I think I\u2019ll do a post about that, probably no time soon. I\u2019d probably need to hash that out, pray about it, study The Word (aka the Bible) about it too. I don\u2019t know, we\u2019ll see. I wonder if I\u2019ve already addressed that here. After I post, I rarely read what I wrote.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m starting this post off this way because as you can see this post is titled Self-Doubt, Self-Discipline and a Thank You, and well, a big part of my self-doubt comes from stuff that I complain about. It\u2019s amazing how this crazy confidence and crippling insecurity about my writing walk hand and hand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Like sometimes I\u2019ll read someone\u2019s work and say to myself, \u201cI can do so much better than that.\u201d Then I\u2019ll sit down to write and be unable to find suitable words. And that\u2019s a bad example, because I shouldn\u2019t be comparing my writing to someone else\u2019s whether or not I think I can do better, but that\u2019s all I can think of right now, so there you go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Self-Doubt bleeds into my lack of self-discipline. I say self-discipline instead of discipline in general, because I tend to be very disciplined when I am working for someone else. Hire me to do a job, and I\u2019ll most likely exceed expectations. I know how to increase efficiency. My brain automatically looks for problems and offer solutions. I think that may also be because I like puzzles. I play spider solitaire (4 suits) almost every day. I love solving problems, even if that means discovering that there is no solution, that discovery itself becomes the resolution, if that makes sense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But when you are creating something out of thin air, which for me writing is\u2014even if I research it, even if I\u2019m putting in quotes and stuff\u2014it still feels like, every time, there\u2019s something missing. Like I\u2019m trying to finish something that I\u2019m not sure should have ever been started, or that I don\u2019t have the ability to finish. So in fear of coming to that conclusion, I lag in effort until I end up with regret.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
However, I\u2019m working on that. I also have to get used to it not being fun all the time. I\u2019ve held this fantasy that when you\u2019re working on a fulfilling career or your life\u2019s purpose that it\u2019s supposed to always be fun, or for the most part it\u2019s fun. And, it\u2019s taken me literal decades to realize that that\u2019s not the case. It seems to me that the fun often comes in meeting goals. The fun comes in finishing. I start way more than I finish. Right now I just want to finish what I start, regardless of the outcome, I just want to finish what I start. And yeah, there will be times where I have to change course, but knowing when to do that is also finishing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This brings me to the next section of the post which is the thank you. Knowing that all two of you are reading this helps me to be disciplined to write these posts. Just kidding, there\u2019s actually three of you.\u00a0 But seriously though, I have really shoddy analytics\u2014I\u2019m not hooked up to Google analytics\u2014so I can\u2019t tell much about you guys. I can basically see which countries you guys are from (most, of course, from the US and also Great Britain). I can also see how long you stay on the site. It\u2019s interesting, the majority of you stay on either 0-30 seconds or 30 minutes to an hour.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Another cool thing I can gather is when you visit the site, and the majority of you come around midnight on Wednesday night. That\u2019s when I post!!!! Thank you!!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That tells me that there are some folks out there just waiting to read what I have to say \u2013 again, thank you!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I hope my words brings you comfort, maybe makes you smile. I hope you\u2019re relating to them, learning from them. I hope my words are doing for you whatever you need them to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And yeah, well, thank you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I was apprehensive about composing this post today: one because I didn\u2019t know what to write, but two because I kinda feel like I\u2019m always complaining. Complaining about what I haven\u2019t done, opportunities missed, wrongs done unto me and what…<\/p>\n