Even though I often go places by myself, it\u2019s never easy. I get nervous every time. I don\u2019t do it because I\u2019m so comfortable showing up to new places alone that I don\u2019t want the crutch of having someone else there to at least talk to. It\u2019s just that I literally have no such person to rely on. And so, I\u2019m left with a choice: miss an opportunity to interact with people who work in my desired industry, or go nervous and afraid. I choose going nervous and afraid every time\u2026well, almost every time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Every now and again, I get emails about attending cool Hollywood industry events. The latest one was for a chance to attend an event called Cocktails & Conversations with Seth Meyers. Immediately, I RSVPed. The invite offered the choice to bring a guest, but my only option, of course, was just take me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The event was in the Hollywood area, a good distance from me. I heeded the confirmation email\u2019s warning and got there early. It was around 5:05pm when I arrived, and there were already like 15 to 20 people in line ahead of me. Worse, that meant I had like an hour to stand there alone with nobody to talk to. The line was full of chatter. Even the one guy, a gentleman who looked to be in his late sixties, who came alone around the same time I did and was a couple people ahead of me, was soon joined by a friend. Not only that, but as people arrived, passing us to get to the back of the line, they spoke to him \u2013 he was one of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
All the talk seemed to surround other such events they all had attended. Some are more exclusive then others, and one lady was bragging to two ladies about getting into a soiree on a studio lot just the day before while one of two ladies who saw her go in, but was not invited to attend, bemoaned her own absence while being in awe of her friend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Meanwhile the two ladies behind me complained about a coworker who sent three emails to communicate a message that could have been captured in one. At one point, one of them mentioned something about praising Jesus, and I thought, perhaps that\u2019s my cue, that\u2019s my in<\/em>. But, when I turned around one had her back to me, and the other one facing me never made eye contact with me, so I thought better of saying anything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In addition to ensuring I got in, part of the reason I arrived early was also to hopefully meet someone in line I could talk to, that way, I wouldn\u2019t have to worry about making my way around a room full of people already in groups. However, my line game was whack. Nobody talked to me. I\u2019m not used to people not talking to me first. Yet that\u2019s exactly what was happening. I stood out there, almost a whole hour and no one said to me a word. At that point I knew when I got inside I would have to turn on my food strategy in full effect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The event started on time and as soon as I walked in there was a server near the entrance with a tray of drinks. He had ros\u00e9, Chardonnay and sparkling water. I grabbed the sparkling water and surveyed the room. Already, the room was rumbling with conversation, everybody seemed to know somebody. Just then I saw another server with a tray of food. It was a bite-sized piece of toast with some kind of pea, parmesan and garlic, pea-sized dollop on top. I took one and got in line for the cocktail. They were serving a specialty drink called A Closer Look. I should have taken a picture of the sign that tells you what\u2019s in it, but I wasn\u2019t thinking. All I remember is that it had grapefruit in it. The bartender was really nice. I asked him not to make mine too strong, as I like my cocktails on the sweeter side and not heavy on the alcohol flavor. He did and it was perfect. I felt a little more comfortable with a drink in my hand, you know, it made me feel like I was occupied with something. Slowly, I made my way through the room to the wall where I could lean up against it and sip my drink. That\u2019s when I noticed that the food servers were coming out of a door near the wall I perched myself against. And that\u2019s when I made up my mind to forget everyone else, and focus on the food.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The first time I went to a large professional event alone I was like 18 or 19 years old. An annual business conference was held on my university\u2019s campus, and they gave the student newspaper a few press passes \u2013 a few as in not enough for the entire staff. The journalism advisor (aka professor who oversees the student run paper) held a lottery, and fortuitously I snagged a pass. On the flip side, it also meant that I would have to go it alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Honestly, I don\u2019t even remember being scared about going alone back then. I was so excited to go, see what it was all about, and of course, get that free food that I didn\u2019t really care. I was more worried the piece I would have to write as a result of it \u2013 my advisor was always very critical of my work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Also, being there as a student journalist gave me a purpose, a reason for being alone. I wasn\u2019t the lonely, friendless person who didn\u2019t have or couldn\u2019t get anybody to go with her. I was there because I had a job to do, and was literally only given one pass. That allowed me to approach the situation with a bit more confidence, even though it still felt awkward being in this new environment all alone. Plus, it also helped that networking was the furthest thing from my mind. I just wanted the experience of being there. I wasn\u2019t business savvy enough to consider making contacts and connection. There was none of that added pressure of trying to further my career. I could just be. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Yet that\u2019s the thing about going to business events alone as opposed to leisure ones \u2013 a lot of people attend alone. So even though you\u2019re by yourself, you don\u2019t have to stay that way, unless, of course you want to. Otherwise, someone always comes up to you. At least that\u2019s been my experience. It happened to me at that business conference, and it\u2019s happened to me at every such event since.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That, however, can be both a good and a bad thing. The good thing is that I\u2019ve gotten to meet new people in the industry and \u201cnetwork.\u201d The bad thing is not everyone is worth meeting.I\u2019ve had other solo attendees sniff out my impostor syndrome and attach themselves to me so they don\u2019t have to be alone, only to summarily ditch me when they find out I\u2019m not an industry insider. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Case in point: It was at a reception at a journalism convention in Orlando, Florida. While I sat alone at a table enjoying my food, this man came and sat next to me and started conversation. I think he asked me how I liked the event, asked about something in the news, you know, casual conversation. He told me he was a sports reporter or columnist for a New York newspaper (definitely not The Times, maybe The Post, I don\u2019t remember). He asked me what I did. I told him I worked in customer service. No sooner had the words exited my mouth did he get up and leave. <\/p>\n\n\n\n On another occasion, earlier that day at this same convention, as a matter of fact, we took buses from the convention hotel to Disneyworld for the opening ceremonies. The bus was filling up fast when I got on alone \u2013 everybody seemed to already know everybody. Eventually this woman, also a solo attendee, took the empty seat next to me. We had causal conversation on the ride over. She also sat next to me during the show they put on once we arrived. I learned that she worked in public relations, I believe. I told her I worked in customer service and was trying to transition back into journalism. I saw her the next day, no chance to even say hi, she completely ignored me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In another instance, this woman at a regional journalism conference I attended would periodically say, \u201cTell me your name again? I keep forgetting.\u201d I was 25-years-old at the time. I think she was 26. I was a full-time graduate student. She was a full-time writer for a newspaper, as were many others there my age, either that or they worked in TV. So it definitely felt like she was taking a micro-aggressive jab at my status \u2013 or lack thereof \u2013 in the industry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Of course, not every one is mean and\/or rude like these examples I\u2019ve given. There are some nicer ones too. As a matter of fact, I got my first job working at a newspaper as an obituary clerk from going to these journalism conferences and networking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I said all that to say, networking is a cutthroat business, just like business itself. People come to these events with an agenda. People come looking to meet other people who can do something for them, advance their careers, keep them in mind for the next job opening or what have you. And, if they feel you are unable to fulfill that purpose, they\u2019re done with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And that\u2019s my problem, I\u2019m not so good at being done with people. Well, I mean, I am \u2013 I\u2019m sort of a bridge burning queen. I saw a quote on Twitter once that said, \u201cLet my path forward be lit by the bridges I\u2019ve burned,\u201d or something like that, anyway, I felt seen. Still, even for me to burn a bridge, you have to have done something terribly egregious that warrants no second chance, or I\u2019ve put up with your shit for a minute already and I\u2019ve finally decided to cut you off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The thing is, I\u2019ve never encountered anyone at a networking event that falls in one of those two categories. No one has done anything egregious to me at these events, furthermore, the duration of my time with these people is shorter than my bullshit threshold. Consequently, I end up hanging around the people who don\u2019t cut me off, way longer than I need to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I marvel at the way people so causally move on when they\u2019re done talking to me. In an effort to escape my presence people have said they are going to the bathroom, going to get a drink, turned and start talking to someone else near-by, walked off saying, \u201cit\u2019s was nice meeting you,\u201d \u2013 they\u2019re not always rude. They just know how to move on when talking to me no longer serves them. And for whatever reason I don\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If this is the point where you are feeling sorry for me, don\u2019t. Obviously somewhere amongst my feelings of not being good enough there is a badass on the loom. I mean how else do I go to a conference full of journalism professionals (I\u2019m talking folks from CNN, NBC, ABC, CBS, FOX, newspapers, magazines \u2013 you name it) as a customer service worker who admits to being a customer service worker, no less, with a at least a hint of , \u201cyou the shit, girl\u201d in my head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Also, I can go toe to toe with any of them when it comes to discussing politics, social issues, and pop-culture. That and I\u2019ve also been known to have a commanding presence when I enter a room. So while some people are drawn to me because of my insecurities, other people are drawn because of my confidence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ll go to a conference alone confidently; I\u2019ll walk into a room confidently; I\u2019ll even discuss current events and give my opinion on issues confidently. But when it comes to talking about myself, all that confidence fades.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So, unless something\u2019s that\u2019s truly pressing, like a session\u2019s about to start that I really want to go to, or I\u2019m going to get a ticket if I don\u2019t move my car soon \u2013 come talk to me and I will talk to you until you leave me. I won\u2019t leave you. And, if I leave you to do something like go to the bathroom, I\u2019ll come back to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That is the history that I carried with me into this Cocktails & Conversations with Seth Meyers event.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So there I was, by myself, up against a wall, waiting for the door to swing open with another sample-sized portion of food. Then it did, and I was one of the first ones to grab from the tray. sese<\/p>\n\n\n\n It seems to me that constantly grabbing from the tray can seem a little, shall we say, uncouth in that type of setting, and people try to be mindful of their appearance or how they may be perceived if they take from every tray that comes out\u2026well, not me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What\u2019s funny is, I think I inspired others to do the same. Once people saw me taking from the tray as soon as it emerged, lots of people started crowding around the door, waiting for the servers to bust through with another item to put a dent in their hunger. And I mean to tell you, I tried to be polite and only take one per tray, but some of these other people were taking two, even three. Not to be out done, I joined in and took multiples as well, but never more than two, just two. <\/p>\n\n\n\n And what do you know, that\u2019s when people started coming up to me. A 58-year-old Armenian lady and her 66-year-old sister who came as her guest started talking to me. They took up a spot on the wall near the door as well, with the younger of the two making sure to snag a snack for herself and her sister every time the server came through.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A man who looked to be in his late 70s came and stood next to me and introduced himself to us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat do they expect us to do? People are getting off work. They come straight here at dinner time. They want our vote, they should feed us,\u201d he said. He was referring to giving his vote for an Emmy nomination. The whole purpose of the event is to campaign for votes for Emmy nominations. The majority of the people there, I\u2019m assuming, were eligible voters, and when they didn\u2019t fill up the venue with them, they opened it up to people like me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Soon, the two ladies who were in front of me in line and didn\u2019t talk to me at all, all of sudden were now before me asking how to get food. Of course, I told them, and even clued them in when they weren\u2019t paying attention and the server passed. They were nice and gracious in response.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It was kinda like I became the go-to person on how to get food.<\/p>\n\n\n\n However, the bad part about it, because I didn\u2019t know how to branch out and talk to people, I ended up sticking with the Armenian sisters the entire night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I used to go to these types of things to get a job. To run into someone who could hire me, or inform me of an opening that\u2019s not on the job boards, or put in a good word for me so that I can work at someone\u2019s company. Now, I\u2019m not looking so much to work for someone as I am looking to work with someone. I\u2019m more into working with someone who has skills and goals that compliment mine. <\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s like Issa Rae says, reach out laterally instead of upwards. She was saying how so many people try to get to Oprah, or Tyler Perry, or go straight to a Hollywood Studio and hope to get greenlit. But instead of that, she was saying pay attention to who you have around you, connect with people on your same level and you guys can work together to create something great. And that worked for her. Another person who was successful in that model of sorts is Barry Jenkins, the filmmaker behind Moonlight<\/em>. In his interviews he always talks about how he worked with many of the same people from his small independent film Medicine for Melancholy<\/em> on his studio backed film Moonlight<\/em>, and these are people that he bonded with in film school and they just stuck together. So that is primarily my objective this time around at these networking events \u2013 not so much to get someone to hire me to work for them (all though I\u2019m open to projects, just saying) but more so to meet people at my level and maybe we can grow in this business together. I\u2019m no editor, sound mixer, cinematographer, score composer and so on. I need to work with other folks to get that done, so that\u2019s my goal with that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The problem with the strategy of waiting for people to come and talk to me is that I leave my options in other people\u2019s hands. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Even though other people came up to me, ultimately, they all moved on after a few minutes, and I basically stayed with the sisters the whole time. I even went inside the theatre and sat with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n About 15mins to 7:30pm, the time when Seth was set to be interviewed by a Deadline journalist, the older sister said she saw people going in the theatre and we should probably go in. She first went down closer to the front where I should have sat. There\u2019s always room for one. Before we sat down, she changed her mind and decided on seats in the middle, and I tagged along like a lost puppy dog. After we were seated, the younger sister revealed that she too was no industry insider. She was very observant. I think she now felt comfortable disclosing that key bit of news now that we were seated and she could tell that I wasn\u2019t one either. She said she\u2019d self-published a book years ago, and found out about this event the same way I did. Now that I think about it, she could have been lying about that, and she just didn\u2019t want to be bothered by me asking questions. I don\u2019t know, there are so many tunnels I could go down to try to rationalize her behavior in my head, but ultimately, it\u2019s not her behavior that matters, it\u2019s my own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n About five minutes after we sat down the younger sister decided she wanted to get up and get water. So she got up. She\u2019s short and heavier set, so I had to stand up to let her by. By then, two people were sitting next to me on the other side whom she also had to pass by, a blonde white lady who looked to be in her early sixties, and an older late 70s-ish looking man next to her on the end. The blonde lady sitting next to me didn\u2019t seem too pleased that the younger sister was passing by.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIs that you\u2019re friend?\u201d she asked, after she had passed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYes,\u201d I regrettably lied.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I don\u2019t know why, but I felt a sense of loyalty to the sisters. They\u2019d given me someone to talk to, and in doing so, assuaged some of my insecurities, made me feel like I belonged. Plus, the older sister was still sitting there, just one seat down, and it seems like the blonde lady was prepped to talk about the younger sister, and I didn\u2019t want to get in the middle of no gossipy mess.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The blonde lady just smiled slightly and nodded. She told me she and the man next to her were in the academy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe one that just banned Will Smith?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They chuckled and said yes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Now that I think about it, perhaps they were probably in the TV academy instead of the film one that banned Will Smith. But the fact that I was asking means that I was none the wiser so they just went with it. Who knows? If there\u2019s one thing I\u2019ve already picked up on in this industry is people like to put on airs. They like to name, and now I\u2019m finding out even event, drop. There are some events that are more exclusive than others, and the people who get into those love to brag about it. And the people who don\u2019t get in, love to hear about the stories of the ones that do, in hopes, perhaps, that they too one day will have an in, and be able to tell the tale to a willing ear, though for now they can only listen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A few minutes later, the younger sister returned, scooting her way back to her seat. \u201cOw, you stepped on my foot,\u201d the blonde lady said, but the younger sister paid her no mind, and kept right on inching her way back to her seat. The blonde lady never said anything about it, or to me again for the rest of the night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That incident made me wonder who had I linked up with. Like who steps on someone\u2019s foot and doesn\u2019t say sorry. Or maybe the blonde lady was making it up. Maybe the younger sister didn\u2019t feel a lump under her foot as she passed, and decided to ignore the false claim? The blonde lady could have had it out for the younger sister. Who knows how these people\u2019s paths have crossed before. These are thoughts I had after I was long gone. In the moment, I just minded my business.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They didn\u2019t waste any time bringing Seth out. He was interviewed by a journalist from Deadline. The focus was on memorable moments from the show\u2019s eight year stint so far, how it started, how it\u2019s going. Basically highlights to show why it\u2019s deserving of an Emmy nomination, then a brief Q&A.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Once it was over, people rushed the stage and he was shaking hands and taking pictures with people. Now I\u2019m not a die hard Seth Meyers fan. Wait, I\u2019m not really a Seth Meyers fan at all actually. I\u2019ve watched his show occasionally, but I like meeting celebrities, even ones I\u2019m not really in to. I don\u2019t know why. I guess there\u2019s just something about seeing someone in person that you\u2019ve only seen on TV. I think I may be the slightest bit ever so fascinated that they are real. That, and I admire people who\u2019ve managed to achieve a dream job, celebrity or not. Even if I\u2019m not particularly interested in your work, I still find your accomplishments interesting. And that is why, I would not have minded going up to that stage and meeting Seth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Once it was over, those sitting in the front rows, rushed the stage, while most of the ones sitting in the middle rows and the back just piled out. Immediately, I regretted sitting in the middle. Had I not tagged along with the sisters, I would have been there in the front or close enough to it, to shake his hand, and get a selfie, myself. Making my way to the aisle, I watched from a far as Seth smiled into other people\u2019s phones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOoh, he\u2019s taking selfie\u2019s, I should go down there, but it\u2019s too many people,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYeah, you don\u2019t want to go down there,\u201d the younger sister said. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Too many people? When have I ever let that stop me? I\u2019ve come across a good number of celebrities in my day, and I\u2019ve never let too many people stop me. I always find a way to get to them. But this time I didn\u2019t. I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s because I\u2019m older now and don\u2019t care as much. Maybe it\u2019s because I was tired. Or maybe it\u2019s because I was just following the advice of the younger sister who discouraged it. It should have been because it\u2019s still Covid. But for whatever reason, I didn\u2019t go. <\/p>\n\n\n\n As we exited the theatre, they handed out Late Night with Seth Meyers monogramed blankets wrapped with a bow. I saw some people take more than one, then I heard them say one per person, so I just took one. Now I wish I would have been greedy with those blankets like I was with the food. I love this blanket, it provides just the right amount of cozy. It would have been nice to have another one just so I could keep it in the package, and put it on display. As I pulled out of the underground parking, I saw one lady walking out with like three or four blankets. All I could think was, damn, another missed opportunity. But I can\u2019t complain, because in the end, what it all boils down to, as my grandmother would say, was I was there. It was a start.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Next time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Even though I often go places by myself, it\u2019s never easy. I get nervous every time. I don\u2019t do it because I\u2019m so comfortable showing up to new places alone that I don\u2019t want the crutch of having someone else…<\/p>\nA Brief Overview of My Networking History<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve Got a Friend In Food<\/h2>\n\n\n\n