{"id":3014,"date":"2022-09-12T14:00:05","date_gmt":"2022-09-12T21:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/shirscribe.com\/?p=3014"},"modified":"2022-09-12T14:00:10","modified_gmt":"2022-09-12T21:00:10","slug":"where-im-been-finishing-the-year-strong","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shirscribe.com\/index.php\/2022\/09\/12\/where-im-been-finishing-the-year-strong\/","title":{"rendered":"Where I\u2019m been & Finishing the Year Strong"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

So I\u2019m back, and if you\u2019re wondering where I\u2019ve been \u2013 tired. That\u2019s where I\u2019ve been. I\u2019ve been tired \u2013 just not in the mood to write. Just mentally and emotionally drained by shit that goes down in life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stress can make you tired. Overthinking can make you tired. Disappointment can make you tired. Caring too much can make you tired.  And I must say, I\u2019ve been experiencing a bit of all of that lately. Yet, I\u2019m learning to write even when I don\u2019t feel like it. How else will I get better? Plus, I don\u2019t want to miss out on communicating with you guys.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So where have I been? Ya girl had to go and get a 9-5, because I was swiftly running out of money. Matter-of-fact, I ran out of money, because living off of credit cards can\u2019t exactly be considered money.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My unemployment ran out in September of last year. I was hoping to get my career going before then, but nothing doing. I try to never spend my entire check, so I put money aside from those unemployment checks, knowing the day might come when they would stop before I had any other income. It did, and I ended up living off of my saved unemployment money. And when that ran out, I lived off of my credit cards. And as that ran out, I had to get a job.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For a moment there, I was applying to jobs like crazy and hearing nothing back. Or I would go on interviews and literally get ghosted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like it\u2019s one thing if I just apply to a job and not hear anything back, but it\u2019s another if I actually go on an interview, and the person fails to so much as shoot an email saying we didn\u2019t choose you. Thankfully those interviews were all (well, all except one) over the phone, Microsoft Teams or Zoom, so I didn\u2019t have to waste too much of my time and gas going to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then just as my money was about to run completely out, I got a job offer. I should have been over the moon \u2013 it was a decent-paying job with a short commute and work from home options. But after getting over the initial joy of knowing that I would soon have an income, I couldn\u2019t help but be weirded-out by one of the interviewers. He asked me questions like do I have siblings and do I get along with them, and how do I feel about jokes in the office, and I don\u2019t know, it just gave me weird vibes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was a hard decision \u2013 one that I pondered heavily and went back and forth with \u2013 but one that I made on my own, without consultation, and turned it down. Almost immediately I regretted it \u2013 not because I thought it would be a decent place to work, but because I needed the money. What a fine time to stand on principle when you\u2019re swiftly approaching zero dollars in the bank. Not to mention knowing how hard it is to come by a job offer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Back to the drawing board, I started applying for jobs again\u2026well, going harder \u2013 I never really stopped, \u2018cause, you know. A month or so later, I had three offers. That probably sounds exciting, and to some extent it is. But the problem with choice is that you can make a bad one. Even though you interview for these jobs, you really never know what it\u2019s going to be like until you get there. There were pros and cons to each one. And I was just trying to go with the one where I was going to make the most money and be the happiest. However, I was willing to take a little less money to be happier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I ended up going with a non-profit that does meaningful work, because I\u2019m at the age and stage in my life where I don\u2019t want to just work for a paycheck, but I also want to work to make a difference, and I believe, in part, with this job I can do that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not to mention, now that I work for a non-profit, I can qualify for student-loan forgiveness, so that\u2019s a nice little added bonus. I graduated over 20 years ago, and these student loans are still plaguing me \u2013 sheesh. Which reminds me, I think I need to apply for that loan-forgiveness by October 1, so I better get on that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In other news, I also caught a cold, not Covid \u2013 thank God \u2013  got a car crash settlement, which came right on time (also, thank God!) and went on a semi-disastrous trip to Nashville, in that order. Now I\u2019m back and looking forward to finishing the year off strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently, I was looking at a draft that I did for my about page \u2013 you may have noticed that I don\u2019t have an about page. I drafted this thing months and months ago, like towards the beginning of the year, and in that about page I listed a bunch of things I wanted to accomplish this year. Now with less than four months left in 2022, I have yet to accomplish a single thing I listed in the about page I never posted. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How does that happen? I have no idea. I\u2019d have to look back and examine I guess. But right now, I don\u2019t have the time. Because it\u2019s like that song says, time keeps on slippin\u2019 into the future<\/a>\u2014the future so quickly becoming the past. So some things I just have to leave in the past,and move on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Last week I turned on the TV to watch one of the final reruns airing of \u201cThe Real,\u201d only to discover they are now completely off the air. I know I can watch it on YouTube or whatever, but I like watching it on regular TV. Anyway, I said that to say, Adrienne Bailon \u2013 now Houghton\u2014from that show recently became a mom via a surrogate. She shared her infertility struggles on the show, as she and her husband Israel Houghton have been trying for years to have a baby to no avail. And then a few weeks ago, out of nowhere, she announced that she is now a mom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I remember an episode of \u201cThe Real\u201d when Jordin Sparks was guest-hosting the show, and they were talking about moving in silence. When I saw that baby announcement, I thought to myself that\u2019s the ultimate silent move. She said not a word until she had that little Ever James, her son, in her arms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I can respect that. The pain and heartache she suffered from repeated unsuccessful attempts at having a child is a lot on its own \u2013 no need to aggravate things by dealing with the opinions of everyone else. So I get why she didn\u2019t want to take that chance. I get why she would want to grieve alone. Thankfully, this time there was no grieving to be done.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Still, I think there is also something to be said for failing in the open. Sometimes, I think it\u2019s necessary. I think it demystifies failure, reminds us that it is something that happens to us all. That we have all been acutely acquainted with it, and there\u2019s always more of it to come.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I guess I can go ahead and share with you my goals for the remainder of the year. These are a few of the goals I had on that about page I never published. I have three main goals: finish my current script, start on my second script and self-publish my novella \u2013 a tall order, I know, but go big or go home\u2026or maybe I\u2019m going to go big and go home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even though I didn\u2019t publish this in my about page, I\u2019m pretty sure I\u2019ve mentioned these goals to you before. Going back to Adrienne, I remember how she used to talk about \u201cher kids\u201d a lot and about being a mom before her son ever came along. And I just remember thinking that\u2019s cute, but after years went by and there was still no baby, I started believing perhaps she wouldn\u2019t become a mom at all, or if she did, it wouldn\u2019t be anytime soon. Because when someone constantly talks about something that isn\u2019t there, people tend to dismiss whatever you\u2019re talking about. I guess that\u2019s how you guys may feel about me and my endless mention of unaccomplished goals and dreams. And honestly, I\u2019m not too bothered if you\u2019ve had enough of my goals talk, if you don\u2019t believe in my dreams. Hell, I barely believe in some of my dreams.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And yet I have an obligation to push, to press towards the high calling\u2026see there I was going to quote that Bible verse about pressing towards the high-calling of Christ Jesus, or something like that, but I can\u2019t remember it, and I\u2019m not about to look it up right now, but you get what I mean. I\u2019m pressing on to my dreams. Because sometimes you have to do it anyway, even when you barely believe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And what\u2019s funny is that I have some goals to accomplish by the end of the year, actually before the end of the year at work as well, and I\u2019m pretty confident I can achieve them\u2014or if not pretty darn close to it. But when it comes to my personal dreams and personal goals, it\u2019s so much harder. Why is it so much easier to believe in myself when I\u2019m doing something for somebody else over when I\u2019m doing it for myself?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But anyway, here\u2019s to new beginnings, three-quarters of the way in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What are you hoping to accomplish before the year is over?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So I\u2019m back, and if you\u2019re wondering where I\u2019ve been \u2013 tired. That\u2019s where I\u2019ve been. I\u2019ve been tired \u2013 just not in the mood to write. Just mentally and emotionally drained by shit that goes down in life. Stress…<\/p>\n

Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wprm-recipe-roundup-name":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-description":"","_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[556,555,208,558,559,44,502,557,554,14,553],"class_list":{"0":"post-3014","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-career-and-goals","7":"tag-adrienne-bailon-houghton","8":"tag-believe","9":"tag-believe-in-yourself","10":"tag-disappointment","11":"tag-goal-setting","12":"tag-goals","13":"tag-procrastinating-writer","14":"tag-procrastination","15":"tag-self-belief","16":"tag-writing","17":"tag-year-end-goals","18":"entry"},"yoast_head":"\nWhere I\u2019m been & Finishing the Year Strong - 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