There is a saying that goes, \u201cI\u2019m my biggest cheerleader and my worst enemy,\u201d or something like that, and I must admit that is true of me. Well, except for the fact that I think I\u2019m more of my worst enemy than my biggest cheerleader. It\u2019s almost like in my own eyes I can do no right. Like even if someone else tells me I can, sometimes I just find it hard to believe. I am truly my worst critic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When it comes to my physical appearance, she too does not get a pass. I scrutinize her to the highest degree, care of societal acculturation no doubt, but at the end of the day, I take full responsibility. I am not a fan of myself in pictures. I think I look better in person. I\u2019ve been told I look the same. Anyway, when I found myself at an event recently where we were told to have someone video while you ask a question, I was thinking I\u2019d really rather not, but then the girl sitting next to me volunteered to do so, and I was like okay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s just that the angle from which she was getting me, I thought was just so unflattering. Of course I also had on a pretty unflattering outfit. Before I put it on, I thought I had more options, but I needed to do laundry and this was all I could come up with from what was clean. I weigh a good 25lbs more than I weighed when I purchased those jeans a year and a half ago. Meanwhile, the sweater I was wearing highlighted every roll and bulge created by my bra or my jeans, or you know, just being fat. It was either wear that or miss the event. Besides, I see big girls dressing like this all the time, so it was time for me to put on some confidence, regardless of my outfit and get out the door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Anyway, I asked my question, the girl sitting next to me recorded it and sent it to me. Seeing the still image of the video in the text message, I was horrified. It was a side view of me. I remember listening to Steve Harvey, I think it was on the radio, one day and he was saying how the side view tells everything. And it\u2019s so true. I can look like I have a flat stomach from the front, even as I\u2019m as size 18, but just let me turn to the side and the truth that my belly pokes out comes with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So needless to say, I was not excited about hitting the play button on this video. As a matter of fact, I actually dreaded it a bit. But I\u2019m also coming into a place where I\u2019m practicing accepting myself as I am for who I am. So, expecting the worse, yet intending to accept it no matter what it turned out to be, I pushed play and watched the video.<\/p>\n\n\n\n