In life we are all straddled with expectations. Many are imposed on us by society, others we adopt on our own along the way. And even the ones we consciously or subconsciously embrace are often, if not heavily, influenced by the pervasive norms in society. It\u2019s why I wanted to graduate college at 21. I was a few weeks shy of turning 22, but I was still 21 nonetheless. And funnily enough, that has since been the only goal I set for myself that I accomplished in the time I allotted \u2026well, kinda. I was supposed to graduate in June 2001 and didn\u2019t do so until December 2001, but hey, I was still 21. No wait, moving to New York was another one and that one was delayed by at least a month as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But anyway, the even funnier thing is, it probably would have served me well to stay in college another year and graduate at 22, slowing down, taking my time, figuring things out, instead of rushing to graduate at 21. All graduating at 21 got me was graduating at 21. I had no job lined up, no idea of what to do next or how to get there, but I had my degree.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When you\u2019re a kid, and especially an older kid like a teen, your dreams run wild \u2013 at least mine did. I had all these ideas about what my adult life would be like. I would go to college, graduate and come out with a great job \u2013 not just a great job, a fulfilling career and be a gazillionaire all before 30. As a matter of fact, thirty seemed so old and far off to me that I don\u2019t even remember thinking about what I would do pass that age, hell even approaching that age. I guess I just assumed I would keep doing what I was doing in my twenties. My twenties were supposed to see me as a bestselling author, a famous box-office breaking writer-director. I was 19 when a 23-year-old Lauren Hill won five Grammys in one night and, immediately, my goal became to do the same at that age, except with Oscars instead. My twenties were also supposed to see me as world-class journalist covering the 2004 elections at age 24 for MTV News. As the 2008 elections approached, I had graduated to wanting to cover the elections for NBC instead. I was also supposed to be a magazine editor, oh and a co-host of the Today show.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And yet my twenties came and went without any of those things happening. But it wasn\u2019t because I didn\u2019t try. I had no idea how I was going to become a published author, and the one time I tried, I failed. That disappointment was devastating, so I moved on. It\u2019s the same book, by the way, I\u2019m trying to publish now, except back then it was a short story. After spending over a year writing it, I thought I could get my start by getting it published in the New Yorker. I worked up the nerve to send it off and it was rejected so fast, I didn\u2019t have much time to worry about whether or not they\u2019d accept it. On the positive side, there is something to be said for being rejected quickly. If you\u2019re going to get rejected, may it come without linger in Jesus name I pray, Amen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was also working on a book that I wanted to turn into a movie, but I had no idea how to break into the movie business. I didn\u2019t even have any idea on how to turn it into a script. What\u2019s more, I never so much as finished that book, let alone had something to turn into a script. However, since making movies is what I wanted to do\u2026well, at least one of the things I wanted to do, I did research on how to get my foot in the door in that business. I learned that a great way to start was to take the goffer role of being a production assistant. But I had no idea how to become a production assistant. Then I came across someone who told me you can do it by contacting production companies of movies in the works listed in trade magazines like Variety and The Hollywood Reporter. So I went to Barnes and Noble, flipped to the back of those mags and wrote down the information of upcoming films I would contact to be a PA. Yes, I actually wrote them down. However it turned out that getting a job as PA on a movie set, even though it was a low-paying, entry-level job, was still no easy feat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Someone from one of those production companies I contacted told me that most of those jobs go to people they already knew, someone who\u2019s in the inner circle. Basically, I\u2019d have to know someone. But he said sometimes you can find some opportunities on Craigslist. And it was on that day, back in 2001 or 2002, that I discovered Craigslist existed. Anyways, it may come as no surprise I found nothing viable there either. So, I moved on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That was my early twenties. Iin my mid to late twenties, I pursued journalism, specifically, magazines like Andy from the Devil Wears Prada. I was actually pursuing a magazine career and living in New York when that movie came out. For the almost two years I lived in New York I got to work at a handful of magazines, but only as a temp, never as a permanent employee.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My late twenties spilled into my thirties and saw me back in California living at home and working a series of low to extremely low paying jobs that I took simply because I needed the money. The idea was to just take the low-paying job temporarily until I found something better. Around that time, the job market was pretty bad\u2026maybe not as bad as it is now, but pretty bad nonetheless. I had nothing together as I approached 30. I was stuck in a low-paying job where I had been for the past two years without any significant promotion, and higher-paying jobs that aligned with my career goals weren\u2019t hiring me. So, I just stopped applying to jobs and moved on to something else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was actually when I turned 30 over a decade ago that I first started blogging. I started reading blogs in my mid-twenties and as time went on saw that it had become a viable career for some people. Might I just say, I really loved the blogs that were out in my twenties. They were less commercial and just told stories. But I think the thing that really convinced me to start a blog was the movie Julie and Julia. In the movie, based on a true story by the way, the main character Julie was much like me, in an unfulfilling, low-paying job while her friends (only I didn\u2019t have any) were advancing with high-paying prestigious careers. So, one day she decided to start a blog where she would cook one recipe every day from Julia Child\u2019s cookbook The Art of French Cooking, I think it\u2019s called. The blog caught on and she made a whole career out of it \u2013 she no longer needed her humdrum job.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I thought to myself, hey, I\u2019m a writer. I could do that<\/em>. So I researched starting a blog, and then I started one. I called it 365 days of 30. I set out to write a post a day to chronicle what every day of being 30 was like. But nobody was reading it, except for a few of my co-workers who I discovered had found it. I got no comments (kinda like now) and my analytics were very low. Plus, it was hard to write something every, single day. My 365 days of 30 turned out to be more like 60 days of 30.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I thought all I had to do was just write and readers and followers would come. But turns out it\u2019s more than that, you actually have to really work at it, have a plan. For me, it was discouraging to write even the 60 or so entries that I did post without getting any traction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s funny how some people can talk bad about people who\u2019ve made a lucrative career for themselves on social media and dismiss them as lazy or lacking skill or talent. They don\u2019t know just how much work, skill and talent it takes to be successful in that field.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s almost 15 years later and I\u2019ve still maintained some form a blog all these years later. I kept writing because it is my purpose. I know it\u2019s what I\u2019m supposed to do. Now on what scale I\u2019m not sure. I mean I still want to be a bestselling author, a record -breaking moviemaker, I\u2019m just more aware now that that may never happen for me. And, if it doesn\u2019t, that doesn\u2019t mean my writing won\u2019t make a difference in someone\u2019s life. My goal is now to reach all the people I\u2019m called to. That may be a few or many. That means if I sell five books or 5 million, I still have to write the book and publish it. If my movies are box office hits, or never make it to the big screen, I still have to make the movies. It will all resonate with who it\u2019s supposed to resonate with\u2026as long as I put it out there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s why I started writing here again, because I feel someone needs to read it. Most of the stuff we see on social media and the internet are typical success stories. People jet-setting in their twenties, eating out at expensive restaurants, showing off $300 Trader Joe\u2019s hauls, buying homes, or living in fabulous apartments, and of course doing it all with an amazing, fulfilling high-paying job to boot. While some of that shit is real and some of it ain\u2019t. <\/p>\n\n\n\n But I just wanted to offer an alternative view. The one of someone who has gone after her dreams and failed. As someone who, over the years have gotten the tiniest peak into the life that she really wants, but has never lived it. I figure if my life can\u2019t be a fairytale than it can be a cautionary tale of what not to do. For example, don\u2019t give up on your dreams so easily at the first sign of failure. Do make a plan. Do try again\u2026quickly. It\u2019s just as hard to live outside of your purpose as it is to pursue your dreams.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And if you so happen to wake up one day, 45 or whatever age, with a bunch of unfulfilled dreams, just know that while some may be gone forever \u2013 I will never cover the 2004 elections for MTV News \u2013 there are still plenty others just waiting for you to make them come true.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s all up to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s all up to you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" In life we are all straddled with expectations. Many are imposed on us by society, others we adopt on our own along the way. And even the ones we consciously or subconsciously embrace are often, if not heavily, influenced by…<\/p>\n