{"id":3496,"date":"2025-03-03T15:28:32","date_gmt":"2025-03-03T23:28:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/shirscribe.com\/?p=3496"},"modified":"2025-03-30T23:55:52","modified_gmt":"2025-03-31T06:55:52","slug":"i-miss-christmas-already","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shirscribe.com\/index.php\/2025\/03\/03\/i-miss-christmas-already\/","title":{"rendered":"I Miss Christmas Already"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"dried
Branch pieces I took off of my Christmas tree that I purchased in 2023 and kept until Easter 2024. I still have them and keep them in this dish, which looks big but actually has a diameter of about two inches. <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know it\u2019s only March, but I love Christmas time. It seems to go by faster and faster each year. I want it to linger. I want it to start well before December and last way past January. Last year (2023) I kept my tree until Easter \u2013 actually a week or so after Easter. My Christmas tree became an Easter tree. I always get a real tree, never fake, if I get one at all, and what do you know, it lasted. It just brings me a bit of joy to walk into the living room and see it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I bought last year\u2019s tree late \u2013 like a few days before Christmas \u2013 and got the slightest discount because people had bought most of them up already and the guy from the lot let me use a lower-priced tag from a similar-looking tree to ring mine up. It was still expensive \u2013 I think like 80 bucks expensive for a six-foot tree. I watered it regularly and it held up well.  When it was finally time to throw it out, I plucked a few of its branches, small ones of course, and placed them in this tiny dish I got 10 years prior when I was in South Africa \u2013 it looks like an ashtray. Occasionally I smell those little branches with their hard dried leaves. They still smell like pine. That\u2019s the benefit of a real tree, you walk into the room and it smells like pine. You can come in from outdoors and it smells like pine. I want that real Christmas tree scent during the holiday time. Even though it fades, whenever I get close, it\u2019s still there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This Christmas, I was going to get a tree but I just couldn\u2019t afford it. It was actually a really quiet Christmas for me. I didn\u2019t get any gifts, nor did I give any. I didn\u2019t go to anyone\u2019s house, go to any parties. I didn\u2019t get invited either, nor did anyone come over. It was just me, my Mom and her dog that she got last February. We told each other Merry Christmas, and I mostly just stayed in my room, watching YouTube. That evening, we had Jack in the Box and Carl\u2019s Jr. for Christmas dinner \u2013 one combo from each restaurant and we split them \u2013 literally cut the two burgers down the middle and each took two separate halves. We also split the fries, half curly from Jack in the box, half regular from Carl\u2019s Jr., though we each stuck to our own drinks. For dessert we had leftover birthday cake and a way too expensive not-quite-a-pint of Haagen Dazs vanilla ice cream that came from one of the few places still open on Christmas day, a convenience store. Then hours went by, the clock struck 12, and it was a new day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I remember a few years back during Christmas time, I was driving home at night, Kevin Nash was on the radio at 102.3 KJLH, and a woman called in requesting the song, \u201cWhat do the Lonely do at Christmas.\u201d I\u2019m not a fan of that song. I probably changed to KOST<\/strong> once it started playing, but I liked the advice he gave her beforehand. I won\u2019t try to recall his exact words here. I\u2019d butcher them I\u2019m sure. But in a nutshell, he was basically saying that she had power over her loneliness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Christmas is a time of year that people not only feel lonely, but they also feel sad. Sad that they\u2019re lonely and alone. Sad that they don\u2019t have that magical type of Christmas we see on TV and now social media. Or sad that they don\u2019t have the type of Christmas they had as a kid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I remember going over my paternal grandmother\u2019s house on Christmas day one time when I was around 15 or 16. We had gone by to say Merry Christmas, spend a little time with her and pick up our Christmas presents, also birthday present for me. She always gave us money, and by us I mean me and my sister. It was just the three of us at her house when at some point we began discussing how it didn\u2019t feel like Christmas. My grandmother was saying how Christmas isn\u2019t the same once you\u2019re no longer a kid. How once you become an adult it becomes just another day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wasn\u2019t quite an adult yet, and didn\u2019t want to believe that was true, yet that feeling had already started to sink in. I\u2019m a firm believer in God. For unto us a child is born, unto us a Son is given\u2026<\/strong>yes, yes, all of that.<\/strong> But I\u2019ll be damned if I haven\u2019t experienced what I can only describe as the magic of Christmas like I did when I was a child and still believed in Santa Claus, and woke up on Christmas morning to toys by the fireplace. I have yet to replicate that feeling again in my life on Christmas day, or any day for that matter. How maddening it is to know that a lie feels better than the truth. Of course, I\u2019m also in my feelings writing this, so perhaps if I focused I could come up with a thing or two.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To make matters worse, even the awe and wonder that comes with believing in Santa was cut short for me. One day, my mom\u2019s pastor mentioned in a sermon that parents shouldn\u2019t lie to their children about Santa. And so, when I was about five or six, my mom gathered me and my sister in the hall and told us the truth. Forty years later and I\u2019m still traumatized.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After that, we still got presents for Christmas. They would still \u201cmagically\u201d appear in the living room, in front of the fireplace on Christmas morning. It\u2019s just by then, we knew they were from my mom. Granted, it was still fun, but it just wasn\u2019t the same. Not to mention it was kinda weird to be the only kids in school who didn\u2019t believe in Santa.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I got older, waking up to toys in the living room on Christmas morning fizzled out. So did the big Christmas dinners we used to have at my maternal grandmother\u2019s house, as people moved further out, got married, just became distant or died. When I was a little kid it seemed like we had those gatherings every Christmas \u2013 Thanksgiving and Christmas. Then gradually they happened less frequently until eventually not at all\u2026which, by the way, isn\u2019t necessarily a bad thing, just different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Somewhere, along the way, Christmas truly did become just another day. It helps that I\u2019m a Christian and can redirect the social expectations and commercialism of it all to the true meaning of the holiday \u2013the birth of Jesus Christ, which, by the way, is, in fact, a big deal. Oh the lessons I\u2019ve gotten over the years from studying that virgin birth. From listening to sermons on it. He is truly the greatest gift in the world, of all mankind. Perhaps only to be surpassed by His death and resurrection of course. Because to get there, you gotta first get here. You gotta first have Christmas. And yet knowing all this I still, when those fall months roll around, wonder, hope, try to capture just a little bit of that betraying magic I felt when I was a child and believed in what wasn\u2019t real.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I tell you, the one good thing about shorter days and longer nights during that time of year is that Christmas lights come out to play. Thankfully there were folks in my neighborhood who seemingly flipped on their switch just as the last note of Mariah Carey\u2019s \u201cIt\u2019s tiiiiiiiime!\u201d faded into November 1st<\/sup>. Soon, I began to spot cars around town with antlers on their sides and a round, puffy red nose adorning their grills as well. Every year I say I\u2019m going to do the same to my car, but every year I\u2019ve yet to follow through.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Somewhere around early to mid-November, my favorite radio station,102.3 KJLH, starts intermixing Christmas songs into their regular R&B playlist and KOST 103.5 switches it up to Christmas music 24 hours a day, all season long. Christmas music plays in the grocery store, it plays in the mall. I wait for the perennial Hershey\u2019s Kisses commercial where those red and green foil-wrapped chocolate drops appear in tree formation posing as bells playing We Wish You a Merry Christmas<\/em>. And the M&M\u2019s one where a yellow peanut and a red plain animated candies discovers Santa in the living room and gasps, \u201cHe does exist\u201d only for Santa to reply back, \u201cThey do exist.\u201d Even if I\u2019m having a lonely day, a sad day, a bored day or a bad day, I simply encounter some of these Christmas time favs, and then I don\u2019t feel so bad!  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Leading up to Christmas, I can\u2019t tell you how many Christmas-in-New York vlogs I watched on YouTube, or  mini-vlogs and carousels I viewed on Instagram from people who both lived there and visited for the holidays. Manhattan is like a quintessential Christmas town giving Home Alone<\/em> nostalgia vibes. I can understand why people head there for the holidays. I spent a couple Christmas seasons in New York myself. I remember one year while living in New York, I went to get a cellulite treatment on the Upper Eastside that I would later be reviewing for work. My job was in midtown on the Westside. I took the subway up, but hailed a cab back. As we made our way to the office, the driver took me through Central Park, and I mean to tell you, the view outside my window \u2013 gosh, it was just breathtaking. Especially as a California girl, you don\u2019t see sights like that in person. It was almost unreal \u2013 like being in a snow globe that\u2019s come to life.  I mean, I had already seen it snow by then, but it looked different in Central Park. I imagine that\u2019s how people who see the ocean for the first time as an adult feel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But yeah, I watched a bunch of New York vlogs. In them they wore cute coats, mitten and knitted caps. They sipped hot cocoa with friends or family at Ralph\u2019s<\/a>. They went to the Christmas Village by Bryant Park and had Dubai chocolate strawberries. They ice skated and looked at the tree at Rockefeller Center. They took in the larger-than-life Louis Vuitton installation of its flagship store wrapped as structural, logo-laden presents. It all looked like such a good time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, of course, there\u2019s the folks on Instagram that posted pictures of families in matching Christmas pajamas, or someone baking frosted sugar cookies and other holiday treats. There\u2019s those who decorated their homes, both inside and out, and hosted or attended festive parties. And if I\u2019m honest, I can\u2019t help but admit that there are times when I wish that that was me, that that was my current reality. But I once heard it said that there\u2019s no greater gift than the rising of the sun, and so…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let me tell you a quick story within this already long ass story before I wrap up and get to the point. During the Christmas season of 2023, I compiled a list of movies I wanted to see in the theatre.  One I was on the fence about was The Color Purple<\/em>. I\u2019d already seen the original one back in the day, then several times over throughout the years on TV. One of my biggest gripes with the movie is that after all the hell Celie went through, in the grand scene when she finally gets the courage to stand up to and leave Mister, the best thing she could say about herself was that she\u2019s here. Matter-of-fact, that\u2019s a refrain often included in Sunday morning sermons in the Black Church \u2013 I\u2019m still here. It\u2019s almost like there\u2019s a formula to it. The preacher will run off a bunch of unfortunate circumstances someone may be going through before tying it up with a bow of, \u201cbut I\u2019m still here.\u201d At first I\u2019d just go along with it simply because it\u2019s delivered with such theatric persuasiveness, usually followed by shouts of approval from the congregation. But you know life happens, and that made me question it. As I thought about it, just being here, still being here wasn\u2019t good enough for me anymore, if it ever was. I want to thrive \u2013 to live a big and bold and happy life. To me, this movie seemed to be anything but that. I just didn\u2019t want to take in that way of thinking when I had a desire to get pass it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My mother, however, wanted to see the movie, so I decided to go along. I was not impressed with the movie, but when Fantasia started singing that climactic song<\/strong>, I bawled my eyes out \u2013 like uncontrollably crying in the theatre. So much so, my mother wanted to know if I was okay. I was. I don\u2019t know what came over me, and then again I do. The circumstances of that song, combined with Fantasia\u2019s soul-gripping rendition, wouldn\u2019t let me hold my peace. Because life continues to happen. And, my set of unfortunate circumstances that previously made me look at \u201cI\u2019m still here\u201d as not good enough had increased and compounded over the years. While \u201cI\u2019m still here\u201d may never be good enough for me, somewhere along the way, I\u2019ve come to realize that it\u2019s still good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ultimately my quiet Christmas was a good Christmas because \u201cFor unto us a child is born, unto us a Son is given.\u201d But it was also good because I got to experience another one. It was also good because I was there.  <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I know it\u2019s only March, but I love Christmas time. It seems to go by faster and faster each year. I want it to linger. I want it to start well before December and last way past January. Last year…<\/p>\n

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