When I first started watching OWN’s “Black Love,” the show upset me for a couple of reasons. First of all, they didn’t tell who these people were. Sure they give the first name each member of the couple and how many years they’ve been together, but other than that, if I didn’t already know them I had no idea who they were and what qualified them to be on the show, and most importantly, it made it harder to goggle them to get a boarder picture of what they are all about. So that’s for starters, when I didn’t know who these people were, I wanted to know who these people were.
Second, there were no follow up questions. You rarely hear whoever is interviewing them speak. They just let the couple talk how they want. Some couples talked over each other, others the woman spoke most of the time, while the man was silent and vice versa. Sometimes they both talked about the same, and it just seemed a bit out of control like it needed some structure. And sometimes someone would say some crazy shit that deserved a follow up question, but you get nothing for the interviewer: nothing.
But the thing that bothered me most about this show was the title, “Black Love.” Because from where I’ve been sitting, there wasn’t necessarily any love in a lot of these relationships. Like with a title like “Black Love” I’m thinking that the show was going to showcase bevy of model relationship type couples, you know, ones that the viewers would want to aspire to – like #RelationshipGoals. But a lot of these couples, to me, were more like relationship deterrents, or models on what not to do, and what not to put up with.
Still, as bothered as I was by all that, none of it stopped me from watching. And slowing, but surely, I began to appreciate aspects of the show that once bothered me.
For example, not knowing who some of these couples were, actually turned out to be a good thing. It helped me to form opinions about what they were saying with less bias. Take for example Kandi and her husband Todd from The Real Housewives of Atlanta: I’ve seen them together on that show over the years, and I already have an opinion about their marriage based on what I saw on that show. So basically, I evaluate what they are saying on “Black Love” through the prism of my knowledge of them from RHOA. However, some of these other couples are unfamiliar to me, I judge based solely on what they are saying on this show, and how they interact with each other on this show. And whatever bias I have toward them is the biases I carry with me from my own life experiences, and not some prior knowledge of who I’ve perceived them to be. I’ve come to believe that who they are is not important, but what they are telling me about their relationship is, and how they relate to one another.
Then there was the issue that there are no follow up questions. That bothered me, perhaps, because of the journalist in me – and the fact that they often say things that, I believe, deserves a follow up question. But some journalists interrupt too much, and what I’ve come to realize – which has been corroborated by watching this show – is that if you just let people talk, sometimes they will reveal more than you could ever excavate even with the most skilled line of questioning. Just let them talk and they often will tell on themselves both directly and indirectly.
So now, I’m grateful that they let them talk. I’m happy that they just let them do their own thing, because they be dropping some gems, sometimes without even knowing. And me, being the astute social-observationist that I am, I just come along and pick ‘em up.
Then there’s the title Black Love, which, after initially watching the show, I thought was misleading. But after I kept watching the show, and thought about it for a while, I looked at it from a different perspective. As universal as the need for love is, as fundamentally necessary as it is, I think we still all crave it, and experience it, and even give it in unique ways. I mean who am I to be judging someone else’s love? Though I’m judging it – best believe I’m judging it. Because if you put yours out there, I’ma lend it my opinion. But at the same time, I realize my opinion could be wrong (though I bet it’s not). My opinion is formed based on what I want, and what I like. What I think is appropriate and inappropriate. Acceptable and unacceptable.
And maybe that’s the point, or at least a part of the point. Maybe the show is meant for you to expand on what you currently believe, confirm it, or reevaluate it.
Now that I think about it, I wonder if the producers actually think that all these relationships are loving relationships. I actually think Black Relationships would be a better title… then again, just my opinion.
“Black Love “ airs Fridays on OWN. Watch it and see if you agree with me.
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