It’s Friday night, though it will probably be Saturday or later when you read this. That’s because I post so freaking late.
Anyway, I need to start planning my posts a bit better. Otherwise I’ll continue to scramble at the last minute trying to find something to write about. And it’s not like I don’t have things I want to write about, it’s just some things I prefer to be…not so spur of the moment.
Right now, as I’m writing this, it’s 9:50 at night and I’m hungry as hell. I only ate a little organic popcorn and some watermelon today. I didn’t start eating until after 5pm. That’s because on Fridays I like to do this thing I call fasting and praying. It’s basically where I disconnect from TV, social media, anything that isn’t God-related – oh and food, and I just pray, all day.
If that sounds boring it’s because it is. I know, sorry, Jesus – though you know better than any of us. Boring or not, it’s necessary to stay focused, for self-care and to remind myself my purpose in life.
In actuality, it’s not always boring, especially if I learn something new about myself, about how to be compassionate to others, and learn something new about God.
It also really helps with my discipline. I have little to no discipline right now, so forcing myself not to eat, not to watch TV (my favorite) not to scroll through Instagram or Twitter, really builds a muscle that I can use.
I’m also working on ways I can make this time more fun. That’s much harder considering the quarantine, It’s something I have to look forward to when this is all over.
Today, I succeeded in not eating and not watching TV. The time I gave myself was between midnight and 5pm. There was a time when I could do it for 24 hours, and I’ve even done it for two days, but I’m going to have to build myself back up to that. I did not succeed in the praying part. As a matter of fact, I haven’t picked up my Bible all day. I said a few short prayers for myself and my family, but that’s it. Oh, and I also thanked the Lord for His blessings, but it was really quick, like less than an hour total probably.
This is not to say that if you are a new Christian or believer that this is something you have to do to please God. Everyone’s journey with the Lord is their own, so do what you can and let the Lord place on your heart what you need to do. But I’ve been at this thing for a minute, and I really need to step up my game.
Now I’m craving a steak – so random – and trying to figure out where I can get one for cheap. Since I like my steaks well-done, it’s kinda hard to fuck that up even with a cheap steak.
You may be thinking: “Wasn’t she just talking about God and now she’s using the f-word?” Yes, that would be correct, I’m a cussing Christian. I personally don’t think God cares as long as I don’t use my words to put others down. I remember I used to be in a Bible study and this lady would say fudge instead of fuck, which to me didn’t make sense because when she said fudge she meant fuck, so why not just use the word. But I digress.
I smell my Momma cooking something in the kitchen. Let me go check it out.
Until morrow… wait, no, Monday. And most likely that’s Monday night.
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