Tiffany Haddish just did it. Sanaa Lathan did it a few years ago. And, I don’t know, I want to do it too. Not because they did it, just because I want to do it. But the fact that they did it makes it a bit easier if I’m going to do it. It looked good on both of them, I’m not so sure how it’s going to look on me. When it comes to women, hair has a lot to do with beauty. I am no exception.
There are a lot of things about me that don’t fit into the stereotypical, conventional standards of beauty, and yet I’m still beautiful.
Hair can so often be a crutch. It’s amazing to me how I’ve been considered ugly or pretty just by the style of my hair – same face, no makeup, nothing different, just my hair.
I’ll never forget the time I went to get my hair done for my senior pictures – high school senior pictures. I went to this beauty salon that I had never gone to before, which also had a barber shop in it. Now I’m thinking I didn’t realize that that beauty shop was also a barber shop, because if I did, there is no way I would have chosen that place to get my hair done. I have natural hair that got a press, so you know how crazy we be lookin’ after getting shampooed and blow-dried.
Anyway, I walked into the shop, and the first thing I see is a guy, prepping his area for his next client. A guy, who totally and completely gave no fucks that I was there. I couldn’t tell if he was ignoring me, or literally just didn’t see me, he was so oblivious to my presence. And while I noticed my lack of being noticed, hey shit happens – no biggie. It wasn’t the first time, wouldn’t be the last. If anything it gave me a little bit of relief that he wouldn’t be paying me any attention during that part of the visit when my hair is all over my head and I be lookin’ hella crazy. And sure enough he didn’t.
But just as soon as the majority of my hair became straight, all of a sudden I had some eyes on me – his eyes. Once the hairdresser was through, and I walked out of the salon, he stared. Same clothes, same weight, same face – different hair.
I love telling that story. I’m fascinated by that. It’s so interesting to me.
And that’s just my hair. Now you throw makeup into the mix, and I’m told that I look like a completely different person. Like, people who I’ve interacted with on a daily basis have told me that with my makeup and hair done, they didn’t recognize me, I look so different. And by different they mean better.
It’s enough to make a girl want to get her hair done and wear makeup all the time…well, not this girl…well, usually not this girl. I’m not totally impervious to other people’s opinions and societal standards of beauty.
For me, I am all about finding the beauty in just being me. I’m all about finding a beauty that’s validated by me, not lying in waiting for anyone else to notice, anyone else to agree, just being beautiful me.
That’s a hard road to get to, so maybe also a part of the reason I want to shave my head is to see if I really believe. Like Is this shit that I’m just telling myself to make me think I feel good about myself, or can I really physically embody it? Hmmm.
But the main reason I want to shave my head is because my hair is funky. It’s so crazy right now. It’s a bunch of different lengths, different textures. I have a patch of hair on my head that’s like an inch or two long, while the rest of my hair is around shoulder length. It’s in the back on the upper left side, and it’s not growing. It’s so annoying. Some of my hair is just really damaged too. So I figured I could just start anew. I would just shave it all off, not so I could rock the bald look for a while, but so I could grow it back healthy. I would just shave it off once, I wouldn’t keep going back to get it buzzed. Once my curls starts sprouting through, I would just let it grow, let it groooow. I would just take care of it from there — start from scratch instead of trying to nurse this frizzle-frazzle back to health.
Honestly, I would have done it by now if it wasn’t for my wedding. Am I getting married, you may ask? Someday… I hope. But for now, I’m single as the day is long. It’s just that, you now, you never know. And since I want to have my own hair styled on my wedding day without any weaves, or extras, and I want it to be long, I couldn’t possibly shave my head only to meet my future husband a short time later and have my wedding pictures taken with a mini-fro. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. Truth is, if I would have shaved my head the first time I got the idea, I could have had hair practically down my back before my wedding day, being that it is still somewhere off in the unknown distance not to exclude after I get to Heaven – a little 40-year-old single girl humor. Perhaps it’s wishful thinking to think that I’ll meet my future husband with a bald head anyway…that would really be dope though.
Then there’s the whole shape of my head situation. Tiffany Haddish has a nicely- shaped head, not too big. Sanaa Lathan’s head looked good bald too, perfectly round. My head, on the other hand, is more of an LL Cool J, Ne-yo type sit-che-ation, and those dudes are always wearing hats or caps to cover that slick. So if these men aren’t to keen on a big, bald head, where does that leave me as a woman? Not to mention I got a couple of hooks and dents in my head.
These are the things that I have to think about. These are the things that have deterred me. But I’m 40 now, and the coronavirus is wreaking havoc all over the world, reminding me of how things can change on a dime, and I’m trying to live my best life, so maybe I should just do it.
And, there’s always wigs.
Leave a Reply