Phew!

You know, Sundays are my fast-and-pray days now. It used to be Fridays, but I switched it to Sundays a couple years ago just to have more time to handle business during the week. Yet it has been a long time since I have successfully completed a fast-and-pray day, even as I have cut back the hours. Today was no exception.  I used to do a whole 24 hours of no food, no media of any form – book, TV, social media, radio etc – unless it was Christian themed. I fell off that a long time ago, then about six or seven years ago I picked it back up with the hours of midnight till 5pm, so 17 hours instead, but still it’s been hard to accomplish. 

Anyway, for what it’s worth, there’s that.

I’m not even sure how to title this entry. Should it be a life update? My self-publishing journey? Or just random thoughts? Maybe it’s all of the above.

I just feel stifled by having options, having to make decisions, and come up with solutions for problems that I’ve never had to face, and others that I’ve seen so many times before and have yet to shake.

I didn’t realize self-publishing was going to be this hard. I mean one of the main reasons I wanted to go the self-publishing route instead of trying to secure and agent then get picked up by a traditional publisher is because I wanted to be in control. And, yes, while I have considerably more control over what happens with my book than I would if I went the traditional publishing route (and was accepted), there are still things that’s out of my control.

Take my book cover for example. I started actively searching for a cover illustrator and designer at the end of February. Meanwhile, we’ve just completed the first week in April and I still haven’t secured someone for the job. I actually did extend and offer to someone and then had to rescind it. Ultimately, it just ended up not working out.

Another reason I decided to go the self-publishing route is because I wanted to rid myself of the possibility of rejection. For some reason I thought because I’m doing this myself, rejection would not come into play. But unbeknownst to me, there is still a lot of rejection in self-publishing, especially since I’m an unknown author. I’ve been rejected by editors, rejected by book cover artists. It’s a humbling experience.

Then there’s the matter of my budget. My unemployment ran out a little over a month ago, and I wasn’t expecting it. I mean I should have known, because they outlined up front how much I was going to get and I saw that finite number, but for some reason I thought that it would go through June. Like once that amount was done I would get a little more to last me through June. But nope, I was cut off a couple days into March. Now it’s strictly my savings and my credit cards that’s left. I’m pretty sure I could get another maybe 6 months out of what I have, but there’s something jarring about seeing money going out but not coming back in. It’s like this is it. If ever there was a time that I had to get shit done, now is that time.

I think I’m going to have to step up my job search. I mean I never completely abandoned it. But there was a time, maybe a couple months after I got fired, that I was going hard. Then I stopped and just did the minimum. To be honest, I have a bit of anxiety about going back into somebody’s office– unsure if I’ll get a great place to work or one filled with toxicity. But at this point, I can’t really afford to care. I just need a paycheck and a plan. And I don’t want to wait until I’m on my last dime before I have an income again. I want to keep some money in the bank. You know, so I can keep a cushion. So I don’t have to build up my savings all over again.

So anyway, I see a couple of jobs that I wouldn’t mind having: one I think I would actually like and pays a decent wage, the other is closer to minimum-wage but would be really easy for me.

As far as my book cover is concerned, I found a new illustrator that I really like – I actually found several because you never know – so hopefully I can secure someone this week, otherwise I just might have to create something my damn self and smack it on the cover, because I just can’t. I need to get this book out there.

Also, I wasn’t too happy with the edit the editor I hired did. I mean, when I got back her sample edit it was great, but she seemed to have slacked off during the real thing. This is another challenge that self-publishing presents, especially when you have a small budget. I do still have the proofreading step to go, so I’m hoping that that person will be able to make up the difference.

Right now I’m shooting for a launch date by the end of May, but probably more likely in June.

A nice little summer read anyone?