One of the major things that stops me from giving myself fully to my dreams and my goals can be summed up by my fear of the answer to the question: “What if it goes wrong?”
The fear of the answer to that question will make me put things off. It will make me not start at all. Or, when I do finally summons the courage to start, it will make me question myself, damn near all the way through. And then, like so many times before, I’ll get the answer that I was afraid of: I’ll lose. I won’t get the job, won’t get the promotion, my prayer won’t be answered the way I wanted, on and on, and on.
That type of mentality just sets you up on a never-ending cycle of low expectations. It’s like I just begin to anticipate bad things. It’s like I think the good outcome is highly unlikely, while the bad outcome is all but inevitable.
But today I got ta thinkin’. That’s partly due to the fact that I got some good news today. I found out that the remaining balance on the medical bill I owed for going to the emergency room without insurance last year, has been zeroed out. That news was made even better given the fact that on Friday, I had just received an automatic phone call from a collection agency wanting the money for the bill, only to be followed up by a letter in the mail on Saturday reiterating the same thing.
So I called the medical billing office today, and they told me it had been zeroed out last Monday…like the Monday before Friday when I got that collection agency’s call. I had been making payments on that astronomical bill before I was approved for a waiver once the pandemic hit and I was furloughed. I guess it took some time for their system to catch up, and collection activities got activated… I don’t know.
What I do know is that it was already done, on Friday when it looked like I was going have to battle it out with a collection agency come Monday. It was already done when they sent in reinforcements via that letter on Saturday. But today, when I called the medical billing office, I was geared up for a battle I’d already won. I was ready for it to go wrong, when all of a sudden it went right.
There was no arguing with the representative, no referencing my receipts, no asking for the manager—it was just have a nice day. It was like that Yolanda Adams song that says the battle is not yours it’s the Lords.
And the thing is, switching your mentality to, “what if it goes right?” does not mean that things will always go your way. But when that happens, you can ask yourself what’s right about the situation, instead of focusing on what’s wrong.
Not every thank you will be met with a you’re welcome. Not every friendly face will experience a returned smile. Not every attempt at being inspiration will succeed. But if you believe, as I do, that all things work together for good to those who love the Lord, then perhaps you’ll find that something right, in some way or another, is still making its way to you.
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