Pssst. Come closer, let me whisper in your ear. I’ll fill you in on a little secret. I want to make movies. Like I want to be the producer, director, writer, cinematographer, custom designer, set decorator, location scout, composer, key grip (whatever that is) – damn near everything except star in my on film.
It’s funny because when I was a kid, I wanted to be an actress. I never went on any auditions or had an agent or anything like that, though my mom did try to get me in a couple of programs, but that didn’t work out. Turns out, I’m not a natural. Still, in the back of my mind, while outwardly I went on to express interest in other careers, I was still envisioning myself on the big screen.
It wasn’t until I was in college making a video for a production class, and had to last minute elicit help from two girls who lived in the dorm room next to mine, that I truly came to terms with the fact that I’m not an actress. Those girls took to my script so seamlessly – the way they fluidly went in and out of character when I had to stop and give direction, and how easily they could change up their acting style to fit what I was going for, astonished me.
I know what people mean when they say that good actors make your words better. I mean I think I’m a pretty good writer, if I do say so myself, but what those girls did with my script and, so last-minute at that, I cannot do if I were acting.
But let’s not get carried away here, I still like the idea of acting and seeing myself on the big screen. That’s why I’m writing myself a cameo into all of my movies. Of course it has to be a speaking role, but nothing major – just a small walk on, walk off performance, like Stanley Lee had in Black Panther.
While I may have been kidding about wanting to take on damn near every role associated with making movies… okay, I wasn’t kidding, more like I know that not only would it not be physically possible to take on all those roles, I also want leave those other tasks to people who are as passionate about their craft as I am about writing and directing. More importantly, to do otherwise would be a disservice to the film. In the end, it’s all about the film, making the best art I can make.
I’m really big on making movies that are art. You have some movies that are art because the acting is good, or the writing is good, or the directing is good – whatever that means, because I don’t know how people can ascertain the director’s influence from watching the movie, having never stepped foot on set—but anyway, you get the point, some movies are good because they have certain elements within the movie that are good. But I want my movies to be art all the way around, like leave nothing un-fussed over. Like I want it to be well- acted, with outfits, and sets and camera angles that help tell the story, and so visually stunning that at many given points you could pause the movie and have a piece of still photography worthy to be hung on your wall.
I need it all to be art. Then again, I guess that’s how everyone who makes movies feels, who knows?
As I’m writing this, I’m thinking about the first movie I’d like to make. I’m so excited about this movie,
you’d think I have a production deal, but I don’t. All I have is a script which I completed the first draft of almost two years ago, and I’m still rewriting to this day, but soon I will have to let go, because other scripts are on my brain.
This current one is a romantic-dramady of sorts, and I can’t emphasize enough how much I’m in love with it. I want to see it on the big screen so badly, and I have no idea how to make that happen… well, no, I take that back. I have some idea, but anything is possible, so I will just continue to dream and figure out a way to make that happen.
I think too, it was when I saw those girls acting in my video in college that I realized that I wanted to make movies. It’s hard for me to admit this, and I don’t think I’ve ever really thought it was true until recently, but I’m a bit of a control freak. Perhaps you can tell that by how I started off this post. Or maybe control-freak is not the proper description, but I’m the type of person that ascribes to the notion that I have to do everything myself to get things done right.
But the lesson that I’m just now starting to learn, as I think back on those girls participating in my video, is that no matter how good my writing was as a script, or my direction was, when they acted in my video, they made it better. At the time I just marveled at their acting and thought to myself, I can’t do that, I’m no actress. But now looking back, having experienced a lot of stuff in the almost 20 years since I made that video, and having learned more about myself, that experience is now teaching me another lesson about movies. And that is that one of the things that makes movies so great is that it is a collaborative effort.
Don’t get me wrong, I think every job is a collaborative effort, whether it’s direct or indirect. For example, being a writer is often described as a solitary craft, and to a large extent it is. But even with writing there is some collaboration, even from a practical standpoint. Perhaps someone else is working, which allows you to write and not work, or someone takes care of your kids to give you some quiet, alone time, someone reads your work and gives you pointers, advice or suggestions.
But even if none of those are true for you and you pay your own bills and you have no kids, and you never ask anyone to read your work, you’ve interacted with others and observed their lives, others have influenced you and helped shape who you are in order for you to even have material to write. So yes, even writing is a collaborate effort.
Movies are just more of a deliberate, collaborative effort. Everyone goes into it knowing that they need each other, and each person has been gifted with talents , that when brought together are so awesome, no one person could have done it alone… or at least that’s the way I think it should be. So that’s what excites me also about movies now.
There was a time when I was excited about making movies just for the sake of seeing something I created on screen, and getting awards, and touching people’s lives, and being a box office hit – and I still hope that one day all that will be my reality. But now, I’m also really interested in working with other really smart, creative, imaginative and talented people. To come together with people like that would be such a dream come true.
Right now I have six movies in my head, and a script that I’m working on for one of them. I have three individual unrelated movies, and then one trilogy, and I want to write and direct them all.
So yeah, I love, thinking, writing, dreaming and reading about making movies. As a matter of fact, I think I’m going to go and read a bit of my script right now.
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