It’s weird, I haven’t been here in awhile and I missed it. It’s funny how that works, how something can be at times semi-excruciating while you’re doing it, and then you stop and all of a sudden you’re like, “Hey, I want that back.” Well that’s how I feel. I miss posting.
I stopped because I got overwhelmed by all that I don’t know, and all that I can’t do. It’s ironic, in a sense, because what I don’t know and can’t do, became more undeniable to me while doing research to try to get better. ‘Cause believe it or not, I’m always trying to get better. I may not go as hard as some people, but I go nonetheless.
My efforts to get better revealed to me that I have so far to go, so much to do, so much to learn. I’ve learned that I need to get organized and plan ahead. It’s funny, because being organized and planning is kinda my strong suit when I work for others. I can start a job, and quite often within a matter of weeks, identify areas that need improvement. But I don’t just stop there, oh, no, no, no. I also create a plan to improve efficiency and productivity.
You would think because I’m a creative that I wouldn’t have that skill, and honestly, I don’t know how I got it – it just comes naturally to me. But when it comes to my own shit, I’m practically clueless. I think it’s because companies I’ve worked for already have a solid foundation. Even if business could be better, and the operation could run more smoothly, they still have a system already in place where I can just sort of come in and fill in the blanks.
Me, on the other hand, I’m starting from scratch. That requires a little something extra. I’m going to have to go through a lot of trial and error to get this thing right. I was really hoping I could do that quickly. I was hoping that in a week or two I would have solved all these mysteries, only to discover that I’m still searching.
Not to mention these past couple of weeks I’ve been gone have been some of the most unproductive weeks for me. Not only was I not posting here, I was barely writing at all. It’s like that song says, “nothing from nothing leaves nothing…” and that’s how I feel right about now.
I stopped posting because I figured I’d rather not do it at all than not get it right. But who ever gets it right all the time anyway. Now I’ve come to realize I’d rather not get it right than not post at all.
And yes, I’m still trying to figure out things like how to do a redesign – or more like who I can get to do a redesign – creating a schedule, not just for posting, but life in general, I’m learning as I go.
Besides that is what this blog is all about anyway. It’s about creating your own path, finding your way. It’s about pursuing your purpose when there is no yellow brick road leading the way. It’s about learning that you have the terror and the privilege of making a way.
So while I do all that, I just want you to know that I’ll be posting.
I’m open during construction.
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