It’s my last post of the year, the year 2020 (Fun fact, and I don’t know why I’m putting this in parenthesis but whatever, it took me forever before I understood the meaning of the saying “hindsight is 2020.” Like I think I was in my 30s. However here I’m using it as sort of a double entendre. Can you guess both meanings?)
Ah 2020, the year that everybody seems to hate, as if life isn’t what you make it. Now that just mere hours – not even days – are left in this topsy-turvy year, I thought I’d look back and see what 2020 has meant to me.
No doubt 2020 had it’s trying times, but what year doesn’t. Obviously what’s unique about this year is the coronavirus, and everyone feeling it collectively, on a global scale. I guess as the saying goes, misery loves company. I must admit, I too enjoy the camaraderie of someone understanding my pain with me, but uh ruh, I don’t want to wallow in that shit…
Umm, now I lost my train of thought – all I can think about is food. Speaking of which, food is one of the highlights of 2020 for me. I ate a lot of delicious take-out, and before I knew it, gained my quarantine 15. But I also cooked some nice meals, tried some new meals. Even though my food is not the best (it’s more like food you eat to satisfy your hunger, not necessarily something you eat when you want something tasty), I rediscovered that I really enjoy cooking, and experimenting in the kitchen, though for the most part this year, I’ve been following recipes.
Then there was that practically suffocating feeling of having nothing to do – especially during that time when damn near everything was shut down except the grocery store. Like I’m pretty much a hermit anyway. My social life wasn’t poppin’ in 2019, but I would at least take myself out to lunch every now and then, and go see a movie. With those options now off the table, it helped me to reintroduce myself to myself. It helped me to better get to know me (If this sentence looks and sounds crazy, it’s because it is, but sometimes when I write, I develop a cadence and I don’t want to break it).
Food is still on my mind. Right now, I’m thinking of making brown butter rice crispy treats. I’ve had the ingredients since Sunday, planning ahead for New Year’s Eve. I’m trying to be good, because I ate a lot during Christmas but… we shall see.
I think I’ve learned to love myself and like myself more this year, and that’s a pretty big accomplishment for me, especially since I haven’t achieved a lot of the things I thought I would have achieved at 40 (I’m now 41, but I spent 51 of the 52 weeks in 2020 being 40). I mean, let’s face it, career wise, I am the nightmare of my childhood dreams…and my 20-year-old dreams…hell, and my 30-year-old dreams. But the 41-year-old me knows that I’m trying, that I’ve always tried (albeit sometimes rather slowly) and that I’ve managed to preserve hope and heart along the way even when life proved disappointing. Not to mention (though I guess I’m about to) I think I’m an amazing writer, with a brilliant mind and just in general quite interesting (damn, I think I just broke my cadence). That’s gotta count for something (Nope, there it is).
Anyway, let me wrap up this thing. I’m happy to be alive covid-free. I’m thankful for the lessons of 2020. And since I can’t stand when people wish me happy New Year before the new year actually gets here, I’ll just leave you with my favorite end of the year parting words – see you next year (ha! I’m so cute and corny).
Now about those brown butter rice crispy treats…
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