Friends,
How many of us have them
Friends,
Ones you can depend on
— Lyrics from the song “Friends” by Whodini
If you grew up in the 80s like I did and you were into hip-hop, you probably know the song Friends by Whodini. As a young kid I sang along to the chorus, not really knowing what it meant. Yet by the time I became an older kid, I was well acquainted with what it was talking about.
The word friend can be used so loosely. You can be at a networking event talking to somebody you just met, next thing you know they’re introducing you to somebody new as “my friend.” Or maybe it’s someone that you’ve known for years, they call you friend, you call them friend, yet they are never there for you when you need them.
After being disappointed by people that I thought were my friends, or that I called friends and maybe I knew they weren’t my friends but I was hoping they would be, I stopped trying to make friends. Unlike Drake, I was always open to new friends, I just wasn’t so quick to trust people. Basically, if you crossed me once, that was it. I was done with you.
There was a time when I would tell people exactly what they did, exactly why I was cutting them off because I thought that was the respectable thing to do. Most of those people weren’t new, they were people I’d known for a while. Once I got in my 30s I didn’t even bother with that shit anymore. Plus, by the time I got in my thirties, I hadn’t known those people long enough to warrant it. At that point, the few people I knew were just associates and we were all clear about that, so having “the exit talk” would have been a moot point.
And that’s not to say I’ve always been the perfect friend. I’ve been a shady friend a time or two…in high school, but after that I think I’ve been a pretty solid friend to people I’ve called friend.
The older you get the harder it gets. People at a grown-age are set in their ways. They’ve lived so much life before you came on the scene.
When you’re a kid and you’re in school, you grow together (sometimes only to get older and grow apart), but once you’re grown, for the most part, there’s no growing together with the people you meet. Rather you have to align yourself with someone who’s like you – like minded, with similar or parallel dreams, goals, desires.
Usually you meet these people at work. The only thing about work is, at most offices there is a much smaller pool to choose from compared to a college or high school campus. As such, I find myself being a loner most of the time.
While being friendless has its advantages – no decisions by committee, nobody in your ear talking all through the movie. Simply put, you have more control. But the price of that control can sometimes be loneliness. Because some things like parties and social gatherings are just better when you’re in good company. They’re much scarier when you have to find good company or hope that someone you’ll click with talks to you. Just knowing you have a good group of girls that already check that box is a relief… or so I assume.
That being said, being alone feels hella better than being in bad company. Being in bad company is worse than any loneliness I’ve ever felt by not having friends. And by bad company I mean simply being around anyone that doesn’t value you. That includes people who don’t value what you have to say, they don’t value you’re time, they ignore you to talk to other people and you end up being alone anyway. Or, they only value you for what you can do for them. Shit like that – I’d rather not.
At the same time, I realize that it would be nice to have some folks on my same level, with similar beliefs (‘cause I’m not tryna argue politics or religion) at similar ages and stages in their lives, that I can run stuff by when issues arise. Being a sounding board when shit goes down in their own lives. Gal pals to have a good laugh with, run ideas by, go on a girls’ trip. And of course, people who understand that even though I don’t have kids, I’m not the go-to person to be runnin’ these streets with.
But yeah, in the meantime, I have no idea how to make these friends.
Leave a Reply