Today I was supposed to write about editing my short story, but honestly, I haven’t looked at it since the last time I wrote about it here. It’s been a busy work week for me. It’s been a busy time at home as well. I have a lot going on right now and the week ahead is going to be busy just the same. I have a lot of decisions to make—some might say risky decisions. When you put thought into risky decisions, they call it a calculated risk. But is they really such a thing?
I mean I realize the idea is if you think things over, do a little, or hell, a lot of research—depending on the circumstance – consult an “expert” and such, you’ll increase your chances of getting the outcome you desire.
But does that really work, or is it just the shit that we tell ourselves to feel better about proceeding with the unknown, proceeding with something that’s out of your hands.
Because life is full of unknowns. Life is full of shit that’s out of your hands. And yet I can’t use that as an excuse for not doing my part. Because for everything that I can’t control, there’s so much that I can. So I have to focus on what I can.
I watch YouTube channels where people do their goals for the year in the new year. One lady that I watch even gives herself a word for the year. While I’ll stop short of that, I want to say that this year and every year thereafter for that matter, I really want to focus on trusting myself. Going with my gut, trusting my instincts in every facet of my life, and knowing even if I mess up, even if I make the wrong decision and fail, it’s okay, because that will end up working for me too. Like the Bible says, “All things work together for good to those who love the Lord.”
Speaking of God, lately I’ve been trying to discern the voice of God. Recently, as I was scrolling through Instagram, I came across a reel by this one lady that I follow who gave her take on how to hear the voice of God. And I thought maybe I should do that, and I tried it and it didn’t work for me.
What I’m realizing is that there’s no definitive way to hear the voice of God. God speaks to people in different ways, so what works for you may not work for me…and it also may work, you just never know.
I often feel like I was closer to God when I was younger, like I had more faith back then. I guess because back then I had less disappointments, less unanswered prayers (or at least prayers that didn’t produce the results that I wanted) that congruently pile up with the blessing of each new year. I mean, I know that God is not a genie, but damn. (I’m wondering if this paragraph will make sense to those who read it. I’m wondering if it’ll even make sense to me in a few months or so I read it? I’ll just leave it, and let it be whatever it becomes.)
Anyway, I digress, and said all that to say, I have to trust myself, and the power God has put in me to do what I have to do. And I gotta trust God.
This was a pretty short post today. Perhaps the one coming on Wednesday will be longer.
We’ll see…
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