When one thinks about being overwhelmed, it’s usually associated with being stressed, anxious, sad, depressed, having a chaotic mind – you know, all the negative things. But how about being overwhelmed with joy…or maybe just relief…or maybe both?
This week (and by this week I mean the week that just passed) I got good news. I experienced good things and I got good news.
You know last week I was so frustrated with trying to find a cover artist for my book that I said if I didn’t find one this week I was just going to do it myself. Now, I’m happy to say, I don’t think I’ll have to do it myself. While I haven’t extended and offer yet (I’ll be doing so in the next couple of days), I will say, my options are good.
What a difference a week can make. Such a lovely turn of events. I started this book cover artist search back in mid-February, and here it is mid-April with an artist still not secured. Truth be told, I was expecting to have my book ready to go by March 31st – clearly that didn’t pan out. This book cover artist search has proven to be the most difficult part of my self-publishing journey so far – other than actually writing the book, but that was over 20 years ago. It took me over a year to write this book and it will probably end up being no more than 120 pages long – I think it’s around 48 pages now in Word, single-spaced.
The reason it took that long is because I had to constantly fight against thoughts that what I was writing wasn’t good enough, which, when you get right down to it, all boiled down to me not thinking I was good enough to write this story. And I say I had to fight those feelings, but really I never actually quite fought them. I just kept going with those feelings tagging along for the ride, poking and prodding me the entire time.
Back then, I was so frustrated with myself because what ended up on the page was not as good as what was in my head. It was so upsetting that I couldn’t recreate fully the images that I saw in my head with my words. That some of it got lost in transit from my brain to my typing finger tips. Now, after so many years displaced, I read the story back and find it brilliant – not perfect, but brilliant nonetheless. Of course, I can no longer see what was in my head back then. But honestly, if nobody likes this story, I will forever love it. I just will.
But anyway, securing a book cover artist presented a challenge I just wasn’t expecting. I wasn’t expecting how much people would charge. I just wasn’t expecting…really any of it.
At first I was going to use a book cover artist from the site I got my editor from, but after I was none too pleased with her work, I decided to devise another plan. Then I thought maybe I should give Fiverr a try. But the ones that I liked were either too expensive, in another country (my editor, not from Fiverr, was in another country and I kinda like the idea of possibly working in person with the artist), finally I saw some bad reviews about Fiverr, how it’s a hit or miss. Frankly, that’s just not a chance I wanted to take.
I tried searching on Instagram, but you can’t search hashtags like you used too. That’s when I came up with the idea of using art students, because the great thing about art is that you don’t have to be a professional to do it well. I wasn’t looking for a student with a high GPA, I was looking for a student with high talent, yet less-expensive than someone with 20 book covers already under their belt.
It was interesting getting responses from them—all of whom were gen-Zers. Like I was literally old enough to be the mom of them all. We’re talking two generations removed – I’m gen-X. As I said last week, I extended an offer to someone and had to end up rescinding it. It’s that generation gap, I think that made me overlook some of the passive-disrespect I was getting from this person. That combined with a bit of thinking that I wasn’t good enough to have another option. All though she was a bit rude, she was a good artist with a good price. She was responsive and on time and what’s more—willing to do the work.
One of the main things that I’ve been surprised by on this self-publishing journey is how much rejection I’ve experienced. One of the main reasons why I didn’t even try to pursue traditional publishing this time around, is because I wanted to avoid all the rejection I’m sure was inevitable in going that route. Since I’m paying for everything by self-publishing, I just wasn’t expecting people to say, I’ll pass on taking money. I mean, after I think about it, it makes sense. I myself have quit jobs without another lined-up. I’ve also turned down job offers without starting. So, if I can do it, others can do it as well. Plus, most of the people who turned me down were professionals, people who have their pick of the litter. All though a couple of students passed on me as well – one ghosted me before the interview, another decided to cancel before the interview. Afterall, many students are not at that starving artist stage – they too can afford to take it or leave it. The same thing happened with editors.
It all just made me think I had to take a good look at myself, be real with myself. I’m an unknown, first-time, SELF-publishing author, not one that’s backed by some credible publishing house. Even if I am paying these people, I have to realize that working on my book at this stage in the game is not exactly a dream job. It’s a job you take to gain experience, to add to your portfolio, another rung on the ladder towards getting a dream job maybe, but not the dream job itself. Students want to get calls from big publishing houses, media companies or brands. And some of these students would be willing to take my money and work on my project and build their portfolio if it comes down to it – because let’s face it, at this stage, they’re also not exactly in high demand either—but ultimately, a good number of them were just not going to be as excited about working on my book as I was hoping for.
After encountering a number of students who were sort of nonchalant and casual about the whole thing, I started to think who do I think I am, I’m being too picky and I better take what I could get. That’s when I extended and offer to this girl. However, during my morning Bible study I came across a previous study that I did where the message was don’t settle at better. And then I came up on another study I did that referenced a sermon by TD Jakes that I call, “There is Another Village.” And yet another where I wrote that I had to have a winner’s mindset. After that I knew, that if I was going to have the best, I had to believe that the best is coming. I had to make space for the best, not only by freeing up this position so the best could have room to step in, but first freeing up space in my head that the best was out there. And by best, I mean someone who was the best-suited for my project.
When I rescinded the offer, I didn’t have this new person lined up yet. I just took a chance to think that even though I’m unknown and my budget is tight, and this person is some ways taking a risk on me just as much as I’m taking a risk on them, that there is still a possibility to find someone to design my book cover who is not only talented and within my budget but feels fortunate to do the job and is respectful.
My solution was to increase my budget and reach out to professionals again. This time instead of going through a website, I would go straight to them. I did a google search of best book covers. When I found one I really liked, I looked inside the book on Amazon to get their name. Then I looked them up and reached out to them directly via email. Some responded, some didn’t. Though all of those who responded said no. They said no very nicely by the way, and even gave me advice on where else I could look, but they still said no nonetheless. There were a couple of other misses as well with people who were not students, but not quite professionals either – artists with great work, but little experience.
At that point I really was just ready to give up. I thought maybe I’m putting too much emphasis on this book cover. Maybe I will have to do it myself. Or maybe I shouldn’t do it at all – I mean the whole book. But then I had to check myself and remind myself that if God placed it on my heart to publish this book, He will make a way. So with faith the size of a mustard seed, I prayed that God would send me the best person to do my book cover, and I thanked Him for sending this person.
Next thing I knew, more student applications came in and I think I have found that person. And the thing is, I was a bit taken aback by this discovery. I’m so used to things going wrong, that I almost don’t know what to do when things go right. I’m so used to the loss, have so conditioned myself to withstand the loss, that I don’t know what to do with a win…
But I’ll learn.
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